When Bloggers Vanish: Online Friendships, Goodbyes and Silence

How missed would I be if suddenly, without warning, I disappeared from the blogging world?

This was the question I asked myself after reading the opening line of a post that asked, ‘Did you miss me last week?’

The Sudden Silence

The blogger had been missing for a week. I don’t know how often she publishes blog posts, as I have never followed her blog, but that opening question had me wondering and made me think about bloggers who disappear without any trace.

I soon realised there were bloggers and readers I hadn’t seen for a while. But how concerned should I be about them? I guess it depends on when they last published a post, when I last had a comment from them, or when I saw a comment from them on another blog. Does being away for one week mean a blogger thinks people out there will have missed them? How long should a blogger go missing without warning before worrying about them?

I guess we would know if any of our regular readers went missing. I’m talking here about those who engage with us regularly. But not commenting on one post shouldn’t concern us, should it? How many missed comments would it take for us to become concerned about another blogger?

“In blogging, absence doesn’t always come with explanation.”

Why Do Bloggers Vanish?

There are many reasons a blogger might vanish. These include –

  • Blogging burnout
  • Health or personal struggles
  • Loss of interest
  • Privacy concerns
  • Life simply moving on

Thankfully, most bloggers who leave the blogging world write a farewell post, but many disappear without warning. There could be a family emergency, an illness, or other reasons. Some come back with an apology for being away, although, in my view, an apology isn’t necessary, especially when they’ve been absent due to an emergency.

The Goodbye We Never Got

Sometimes the hardest goodbyes are the ones that were never said. Some bloggers disappear from our lives without warning, often leaving us with no way to contact them. When that happens, I believe it’s only right to leave them alone rather than try to find them. The lack of closure can be difficult, but they cut off contact for a reason, probably something they didn’t want to discuss.

If you are thinking about ending your blog, do consider that silence can feel very different from writing a farewell post. There seems to be a human need for endings, although I have always believed there is no such thing as an ending; it’s just the point where we leave the story.

“Blogging may happen on screens, but the friendships it creates leave very real footprints — even when the trail suddenly stops.”

Still Here, Still Reading?

I’ve been blogging on WordPress for over 12 years, and although I no longer follow many of the blogs I used to, I appreciate that they are still there when I see those bloggers on social media and in the comment sections of the blogs I follow.

If someone goes missing and it’s someone you have grown a friendship with, I encourage you to check in on them if they are still on social media or you have their email address. But if they have cut all communication, they’ve done so for a reason.

While some online friendships can be fleeting, I’ve witnessed countless genuine friendships form through blogging. Those friendships can grow into something special, so don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help if life gets tough. Remember that not all friendships are measured in miles – some are measured in comments and discussion.

“Is it better to search for answers, or to simply appreciate the time we shared?”

What do you think? Have you ever seen a blogger quietly disappear from your online world? Did you try to reach out, or did you respect the silence? Should we try to reconnect when someone disappears, or accept that some chapters are meant to close without a final page? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. How do you handle goodbyes in the blogging world? How long do you think it would take your readers to miss you?

As always, I appreciate hearing your thoughts.

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130 responses to “When Bloggers Vanish: Online Friendships, Goodbyes and Silence”

  1. JT Twissel avatar

    It is a kindness to say good-bye to long-time followers if you can no longer keep up a blog. Bloggers are also writers and suddenly losing the feedback of a long-time blogging buddy (with no explanation given) can wrack havoc on one’s self-esteem and ignite an already overly active imaginations. I speak from experience. As usual Hugh, you don’t shy away from issues we all think about but don’t know how to articulate.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      I agree with you that it is kind to say goodbye, but I also understand that some people find it difficult to do so. It does make me think about the comments section in a goodbye post, too. I’d not want to see it full of ‘I’m sorry you are leaving’ comments, so I would more likely close comments, but I’d ensure I’d given bloggers with whom I have a connection a way to keep in touch.

      I find that subjects like this can be difficult to talk about, usually until someone publishes a post about it or brings it up. And as you know, I love talking and discussion on any blog.

  2. Brenda avatar

    An interesting question Hugh. I think, as has been highlighted by some of those commenting, its not always possible to let readers know we’re going to be absent. I do think the person you were talking about saying “I’m back; did you miss me” might be asking for trouble – expecting to be missed, but what if they weren’t? A week isn’t really that long, would we notice an absence that quickly – it feels unrealistic and perhaps a bit presumptive.

    My experience has been that my breaks/absences haven’t been planned and I had been hoping to work through them, but that doesn’t always happen. It might be more effective to plan for breaks/pauses – better for the readers as they’ll know what to expect, but it also gives us breathing space as writers too.

    I agree there have been people who have just disappeared – some I do think about, wonder how they’re getting on – but like was said, there’s not always a way to get in touch. And I know one person who always said that if they stopped they would just disappear,. deleting their account – which is what they did. I don’t think there’s a simple answer, but I’d like to think if I were to stop permanently, I’d say goodbye first.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      When I read that opening line on the ‘Did you miss me?’ post, it made me think the blogger believed her followers were there 24/7, waiting for her posts, Brenda. I agree that a week isn’t very long for people to think you have gone missing, but if you are publishing daily, I suppose it could alert some people.

      I’ve taken several blogging breaks over the years, and as you rightly say, they are best planned when you are able. Informing readers that you will be away is considerate, so nobody worries unnecessarily. But there are always those who didn’t read the post. It’s nice to see emails enquiring whether all is okay.

      Deleting your blog without notice can be concerning for many readers, but when the host cuts all ties (including on social media), I think it’s best to leave them be. ‘Goodbyes’ can be hard to write for some, but they certainly help followers find closure.

  3. Paul Ariss avatar
    Paul Ariss

    It’s pertinent that you should post about this Hugh as I’ve been thinking of a blogger called Janice Reid recently. Janice blogged regularly and always commented on my blogs until a few months ago when she went a little quiet, then blogged to say she hadn’t been posting as often as she had some personal stuff going on that she didn’t elaborate on. However she had also said that things had been getting more difficult in the U.S.

    Originally from Jamaica her and her husband had lived in America for a long time and have three fine sons in their 30’s who had been born there and all the family live in Long Island. But she had said they were feeing increasingly uncomfortable and whenever they went out they were now taking their passports with them in case they were stopped and needed to show their identity.

    It wasn’t long after that when things went quiet. Of course it may be that the personal stuff she mentioned is the cause of the recent silence, but I also worry it may be something else. Until she blogs I can only speculate but as you say, you do build up a relationship even if you don’t expect to ever meet that person.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Paul, I’m so sorry to hear about what Janice is going through. It’s difficult to take in what is going on in much of the world at the moment. And the majority of the world seems to sit back and allow it to happen.

      I hope Janice comes back online soon and that the worry about her absence can be put behind you.

      I don’t know whether you have started watching Russel T Davies’ new drama on TV, but what you said in your comment about Janice is very much what ‘Tip Toe’ is about. It’s very difficult viewing, but it’s so true to what is happening right now.

      1. Paul Ariss avatar
        Paul Ariss

        Yes I hope she is back soon, I’ll try and remember to let you know if and when it happens. You’re right, most of the world is sitting back and letting things happen. I think it’s a moral test for all decent minded people whether we push back against it or just let it slide. I’ve kept quiet on it as I keep getting into online arguments but I think I’ve had enough of that, I just need to find a cleverer way of going about it. Apathy helps no-one.

        I have been watching Tip Toe. I’ve seen the first two episodes, I have felt uncomfortable with some of it but TV needs to be brave and Russell T. Davies is never shy of being that.

        The local council I used to live under is now under Reform. They have taken away any support for Pride events and apparently are taking down books from libraries, though not sure of the details on what those books are.

        1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

          I’m a big fan of Russell T Davies. I’ve loved all the stuff he has written and produced, but this new series is so very hard to watch because his writing is spot-on about what is happening in the UK (and other countries) today. It’s no wonder the series has already picked up so many five-star reviews when it can bring out the emotion in those that watch it.

          Having lived (and protested) through the Section 28 years, it is very sad to see that those days could very well return.

          1. Paul Ariss avatar
            Paul Ariss

            It’s not easy to comment on something I didn’t experience, but it is easy to see and feel right and wrong, and all this feels very wrong right now.

            1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

              I agree, Paul. We are living in a very unkind world where division is being used as a weapon.

  4. beth avatar

    there have been bloggers who i follow that have passed away, and written about it as they fight what they are going through, or someone in their family lets the bloggers know. i’ve also have had some who give an explanation and then stop blogging. within the last month, a blogger who i’ve followed for years just stopped posting one day and had not alluded to anything being wrong. i wrote a note on his last post asking after him, but no response. it makes me worry about him, but perhaps he has no idea how the people he reaches feel about it. my daughters have promised to post a notice on my site if i’m still blogging when i leave this world

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      When people suddenly disappear without any explanation, I think most of us fear the worst, Beth. That’s why I believe it’s important to bring closure and to share our login details with at least one other person so that they can carry out our wishes. I’m pleased to hear that you have passed on details to your daughters.

      I’ve taken several blogging breaks over the years I have blogged, and I always inform my followers when I’m taking one. I think it’s only kind to inform our followers, rather than leaving many of them fearing the worst.

      1. beth avatar

        yes, i agree with all of that. and everyone needs a break now and then, so good to let people know for sure.

  5. Liesbet @ Roaming About avatar

    Asking if you’ve been missed as a blogger after one week seems to be presumptuous. Maybe it was meant as a joke?

    Because I blog relatively sporadically but still about two times a month these years, I would think that I might be missed after a couple of months. But my traveling life is busy, challenging, and unpredictable, so I’m sure my readers would take that into account as well. I expect my closest readers would probably check in with me after three months of silence. If they don’t follow me on social media, where I have a bigger presence when roaming the world.

    Most bloggers I know who quit, have left a farewell post. I do encourage and appreciate that. Often they leave another way to stay in touch. After they stop blogging, this seems to coincide with them not following me/others or leaving comments anymore either. It’s a clean break that appears to be the decision of more and more people.

    In the past, I followed a really good, informative, fun, and honest blog about an American couple first traveling around the US in a motorhome with their dog and then moving to Lisbon, Portugal. I really enjoyed their blog, but they decided to quit posting after they moved and became expats. They didn’t want to offend anyone with their impressions.

    In January if this year, Mark, Maya, and I spent four days in Lisbon. I tried my hardest to contact this couple ahead of our visit as I’ve always wanted to meet them. Despite their website still being live, they didn’t react to emails I sent there and to the contact form I filled out. I even searched for them on Facebook and contacted a mutual blog follower to see if he had a different email address for them. Nothing! It was a shame we didn’t manage to get in touch and meet up

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      It may well have been meant as a joke, Liesbet. However, given the way it (and the rest of the post) was written, I have my doubts. I believed she generally thought all her followers were waiting 24/7 for her to publish her next post. It reminded me of a blogger who gave her followers only 3 days to read her posts and comment before closing comments. And she published several posts a day.

      I’d certainly miss you if you stopped blogging. You may publish only a few times a month, but I believe we get used to bloggers’ posting schedules, so a sudden stop would alert us. I do have some social media accounts, but I spend much more time on my blog. I limit social media to no more than 30 minutes a day.

      If I stopped blogging, I think I’d also stop following and commenting on blogs. I’d want a clean break, but I’d set something up first to stay in contact with the bloggers I feel more connected to, without leaving the room announced.

      It’s strange that some people don’t delete their blogs when they stop blogging. They may not know how to delete them, or they think they might come back to them, but the obvious answer is that some may have passed away and haven’t given anyone instructions on how to access their blog. I think it’s so sad when I come across abandoned blogs. It’s like arriving on a once-populated, thriving planet that is now barren. And most of us can’t help but fear the worst for the host of that blog.

  6. Michelle (Boomer Eco Crusader) avatar

    I’ve seen many bloggers come and go in the 7 years since I started my blog. Some I feel a genuine connection with. Others I follow because their content interests me, but we don’t necessarily have a real conection.

    Whether or not I’d reach out would really depend on which group the blogger fell into. I’d definitely make an effort to check on those who I regular engage with and feel a real connection to.

    And I am under no illusions that more than a handful of people would miss me if I disappeared from my blog for longer than a week or two.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      You make an excellent point about connections and whether or not they would have us reaching out, Michelle. Some bloggers would be missed more than others, but it depends on who misses them.

      I’m sure that any blogger with a presence would be missed by somebody. Even those with little or no engagement would be missed by somebody, especially if they had been blogging for a considerable amount of time.

  7. Author Jan Sikes avatar

    I worry about bloggers I follow when they vanish. As we saw with Sue Vincent, at least she let us know what she was dealing with. But I always wonder when they simply disappear. My daughters have instructions for letting the blogging world know when I pass away. Hope they will do that.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      That’s good to hear that you have your blog covered, Jan. I’m sure your daughters will carry out your requests.

  8. Esther Chilton avatar

    I remember the lovely Sue Vincent and also Mary Smith. Both tragically died from cancer. When they gradually stopped blogging, I really missed them. I often think of them now. I think the blogging community is such a wonderful, friendly place, we do make those connections and feel like friends. So I do miss bloggers when they go, but most have more positive reasons for leaving.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      I remember both of those fabulous ladies so well, Esther. I’m so honoured to have also met them both personally. Sue helped me so much with creating stories with her writing and photo challenges. She also attended the very first Bloggers’ Bash in 2015. Both of them feature in some of the videos I filmed at those events.

  9. RasmaSandra avatar

    I almost feel like the Energizer Bunny. I just keep on blogging, but then I am lucky I can do so. There are some I miss seeing posts from, but also no way of knowing what has happened to them, and I just have to accept they are no longer around.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Very true. Not having answers can be tough, but we have to continue with our blogging lives without those who leave without announcing their departure.

  10. K Morris Poet avatar

    Thanks for this thought provoking post, Hugh.

    I did know an author of children’s books and poetry. We met once and interacted from time to time online. I knew she was unwell and heard from another blogger when she died. Unfortunately I didn’t have any way of contacting her husband, otherwise I would have done so to express my condolences.

    I am still blogging although less frequently than was previously the case. I now post quite a bit on TikTok but have no intention of abandoning my blog.

    A friend who lived a few miles away from me also blogged. We met frequently for meals. Sadly he died a few months ago and I know his family wanted to put an announcement on his blog. However they did not know his log on details and WordPress refused to allow them access without them. In this case I don’t blame WordPress, although its sad from the point of view of my friend’s family and those who followed his blog.

    Best wishes. Kevin

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Hi Kevin, I am so sorry to hear of the death of your friend, who also blogged.

      Your last point is very important as it acts as a lesson to us all to ensure that somebody else has our login details. It’s probably why there are many blogs out there that look abandoned, when some have stopped because of the host’s death. I gave my partner my login details a few years ago. I agree that WordPress did the right thing by not releasing the login details. Millions of people use WordPress, and they have to take security seriously. I think all social media companies and those that host emails, etc, would all do the same.

      1. K Morris Poet avatar

        Thanks for your condolences on the death of my friend, Hugh.

        I myself suffered a brain abscess in January 2025 which led to me spending 6 weeks in hospital. In the early days I was unable to blog but, as I recovered I was able to post with the aid of a friend. Looking back on it now, no-one had my log on details so had I died my blog would be in the same position as that of my friend.

        Thankfully I’m now fully recovered

        1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

          I’m sorry to hear about your ill health last year, Kevin. But it’s good that you had someone to help you with your blog. As I mentioned here, it’s important that we share our blog login details with at least one person we trust so they can inform followers of any unfortunate events.

          That’s great news about making a full recovery. You mentioned in your earlier comment that you now publish more on TikTok. What made you choose that particular social media platform?

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