When Bloggers Vanish: Online Friendships, Goodbyes and Silence

How missed would I be if suddenly, without warning, I disappeared from the blogging world?

This was the question I asked myself after reading the opening line of a post that asked, ‘Did you miss me last week?’

The Sudden Silence

The blogger had been missing for a week. I don’t know how often she publishes blog posts, as I have never followed her blog, but that opening question had me wondering and made me think about bloggers who disappear without any trace.

I soon realised there were bloggers and readers I hadn’t seen for a while. But how concerned should I be about them? I guess it depends on when they last published a post, when I last had a comment from them, or when I saw a comment from them on another blog. Does being away for one week mean a blogger thinks people out there will have missed them? How long should a blogger go missing without warning before worrying about them?

I guess we would know if any of our regular readers went missing. I’m talking here about those who engage with us regularly. But not commenting on one post shouldn’t concern us, should it? How many missed comments would it take for us to become concerned about another blogger?

“In blogging, absence doesn’t always come with explanation.”

Why Do Bloggers Vanish?

There are many reasons a blogger might vanish. These include –

  • Blogging burnout
  • Health or personal struggles
  • Loss of interest
  • Privacy concerns
  • Life simply moving on

Thankfully, most bloggers who leave the blogging world write a farewell post, but many disappear without warning. There could be a family emergency, an illness, or other reasons. Some come back with an apology for being away, although, in my view, an apology isn’t necessary, especially when they’ve been absent due to an emergency.

The Goodbye We Never Got

Sometimes the hardest goodbyes are the ones that were never said. Some bloggers disappear from our lives without warning, often leaving us with no way to contact them. When that happens, I believe it’s only right to leave them alone rather than try to find them. The lack of closure can be difficult, but they cut off contact for a reason, probably something they didn’t want to discuss.

If you are thinking about ending your blog, do consider that silence can feel very different from writing a farewell post. There seems to be a human need for endings, although I have always believed there is no such thing as an ending; it’s just the point where we leave the story.

“Blogging may happen on screens, but the friendships it creates leave very real footprints — even when the trail suddenly stops.”

Still Here, Still Reading?

I’ve been blogging on WordPress for over 12 years, and although I no longer follow many of the blogs I used to, I appreciate that they are still there when I see those bloggers on social media and in the comment sections of the blogs I follow.

If someone goes missing and it’s someone you have grown a friendship with, I encourage you to check in on them if they are still on social media or you have their email address. But if they have cut all communication, they’ve done so for a reason.

While some online friendships can be fleeting, I’ve witnessed countless genuine friendships form through blogging. Those friendships can grow into something special, so don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help if life gets tough. Remember that not all friendships are measured in miles – some are measured in comments and discussion.

“Is it better to search for answers, or to simply appreciate the time we shared?”

What do you think? Have you ever seen a blogger quietly disappear from your online world? Did you try to reach out, or did you respect the silence? Should we try to reconnect when someone disappears, or accept that some chapters are meant to close without a final page? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. How do you handle goodbyes in the blogging world? How long do you think it would take your readers to miss you?

As always, I appreciate hearing your thoughts.

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122 responses to “When Bloggers Vanish: Online Friendships, Goodbyes and Silence”

  1.  avatar
    Anonymous

    I deleted my site after seven years of blogging because absolutely no one was looking at it any more (according to the dashboard stats). There was no reason to say goodbye because there was no one there to read it.

    Brian Dean Powers

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      That’s very sad, Brian. It’s the first time I have heard of a blog losing all its views after seven years. I’m guessing you were getting no comments on any posts either?

    2. MikeB avatar

      Oh it doesn’t bother me that hardly anyone reads my blog – it’s there for my interest and as a memory aide of things I’ve done and places I’ve visited.

  2. Rustownmom avatar
    Rustownmom

    This really made me think. We get so invested in people’s lives, even if we only know them through a few photos and blog posts. Its hard not to know the end of the story, though if they wanted to give us that, they would. Some of them, like Spo, I would recognize on the street, and if he stopped writing I would feel a sense of loss. Others fade from memory a bit. Like pen pals who forgot it was their turn to write!

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      That’s a great way of putting it. It puts me in mind of the pen pals I used to have. I can still remember the name and address of one pen pal who lived in Texas. I often wonder what happened to her and if she still lives at the same address.

  3. Sunday Spo-bits | Spo-Reflections avatar

    […] (the dear!) wrote a touching blog entry on ‘when bloggers vanish’. It was spot-on and it brought some tears to my eyes to read it. Afterwards I edited my bookmarks […]

  4. Urspo avatar

    oh lord love us this was so spot-on it brought tears to my eyes and I am writing this through watery vision. More and more I transfer closed or disappeared blogs into the ‘closed’ file. It feels like a cemetery. What’s worse than death is knowing many aren’t dead – they disappeared. I was under the delusion were were connected and friends. I will have to reread this article when I am more composed.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      I’m sorry that this post brought back some sad memories. Disappearing bloggers are one of the mysteries of the blogging world.

      1. Urspo avatar

        Not to be worrying! 😊 It is a sad topic and you did a lovely job to summarize what we all feel as bloggers. By the way, if you suddenly disappear I will come for you.

        1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

          Lol, I have no plans to disappear, but when I decide to throw in my blogging towel, I’ll do it via a post to my followers.

  5. dgkaye avatar

    I couldn’t agree more about a farewell post. I think if we have a regular following we at least owe them a notice with a goodbye or even a blogging break post. 😊

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Seems that the majority who have commented on this post think the same, Debby. Yet there are many abandoned blogs out there where that never happened.

  6. Blogging Questions and Highlights: What's on your Mind? avatar

    […] What will happen to your blog when you are no longer around? […]

  7. Janice Wald avatar

    Hi Hugh,

    I still remember years ago when I first started blogging, I made a blogging friend that just vanished. We had a mutual friend in a Facebook group. When I inquired about them, concerned, she didn’t know anything either. I never heard from the blogger again. I don’t know what to think. I will never know why they vanished from the Blogosphere.

    Janice

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      It’s so disheartening when a blogger we have formed a friendship with suddenly disappears without notice, Janice. More so when all their social media accounts also disappear. One can not help but fear the worse when that happens.

  8. junedesilva avatar

    I think my comment went before I’d finished writing! I guarantee you would be missed, Hugh, if you suddenly disappeared from the blogging world. Over the years, several bloggers have disappeared from my online blogging world for various reasons. One particular blogger stands out because she was someone with whom I had a blogging affinity. I’m pleased to say that she let her readers know that she was stopping blogging to write a book. Sadly, another wonderful blogger died, but his family posted a message to let us know, which was greatly appreciated.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Thank you, June. Many bloggers stop blogging to write a book, though most take a break and return once the book is ready for publication. However, some then get the writing bug and want to write more books, so maybe that’s why your friend decided not to return to blogging.

      Getting closure on why someone disappears from the blogging world is something we all want. Fortunately, it sounds as if the blogger who died had passed their login details to the family. That’s something I believe we should all follow.

  9. Michael avatar

    Hugh, I am late to commenting on your post. I noticed it when you first posted it, and I had all intentions of writing a comment, but I have been under the weather and also have been dealing with a sick dog, so my blogging and commenting went to the proverbial back burner. When I saw your title, it interested me as I have also had people I know via blogging vanish, and I was interested in also reading the comments that people left on your post. I had one blogger just stop commenting and he would comment on every one of my posts. After a few weeks, I emailed him with the email that I had, and no response. My major thought is that sadly, something happened to him. I have made such good friends via the blogging platform, and in this day and age of cruelty and meanness on the internet, it is refreshing to know people online who are kind and caring people. Thanks for the great post.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Hi Michael, Sorry to hear you’ve been under the weather and are also dealing with a sick dog.

      I often find that the comments left on posts can be as interesting as the posts themselves. Given that the email to the blogger you mentioned didn’t bounce back, it doesn’t offer much hope. Is his blog still up and running?

      Unfortunately, as is often the case, when something happens to a blogger, unless they have given instructions for someone to act on their behalf, it leaves lots of unanswered questions when that blogger goes missing. I hope he does return to the blogging world or respond to your email, but most who disappear without notice don’t.

      Good people outnumber the trolls. I’ve always found the blogging community to be a friendly and supportive place. There can be a few exceptions, but the best way to deal with the trolls is to ignore them.

      1. Michael avatar

        I have found so many good people via blogging. And these are people from all walks of life and all over the world. And you are right, the good people outnumber the trolls. I think something happened to this blogger as the posts he regularly made also stopped.

        1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

          I’m sorry to hear that, Michael. I think this is a lesson to us all to consider what we want to happen to our blog after we are gone.

Feel free to leave a comment. Engagement helps keep blogs alive and forms community.

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