When Bloggers Vanish: Online Friendships, Goodbyes and Silence

How missed would I be if suddenly, without warning, I disappeared from the blogging world?

This was the question I asked myself after reading the opening line of a post that asked, ‘Did you miss me last week?’

The Sudden Silence

The blogger had been missing for a week. I don’t know how often she publishes blog posts, as I have never followed her blog, but that opening question had me wondering and made me think about bloggers who disappear without any trace.

I soon realised there were bloggers and readers I hadn’t seen for a while. But how concerned should I be about them? I guess it depends on when they last published a post, when I last had a comment from them, or when I saw a comment from them on another blog. Does being away for one week mean a blogger thinks people out there will have missed them? How long should a blogger go missing without warning before worrying about them?

I guess we would know if any of our regular readers went missing. I’m talking here about those who engage with us regularly. But not commenting on one post shouldn’t concern us, should it? How many missed comments would it take for us to become concerned about another blogger?

“In blogging, absence doesn’t always come with explanation.”

Why Do Bloggers Vanish?

There are many reasons a blogger might vanish. These include –

  • Blogging burnout
  • Health or personal struggles
  • Loss of interest
  • Privacy concerns
  • Life simply moving on

Thankfully, most bloggers who leave the blogging world write a farewell post, but many disappear without warning. There could be a family emergency, an illness, or other reasons. Some come back with an apology for being away, although, in my view, an apology isn’t necessary, especially when they’ve been absent due to an emergency.

The Goodbye We Never Got

Sometimes the hardest goodbyes are the ones that were never said. Some bloggers disappear from our lives without warning, often leaving us with no way to contact them. When that happens, I believe it’s only right to leave them alone rather than try to find them. The lack of closure can be difficult, but they cut off contact for a reason, probably something they didn’t want to discuss.

If you are thinking about ending your blog, do consider that silence can feel very different from writing a farewell post. There seems to be a human need for endings, although I have always believed there is no such thing as an ending; it’s just the point where we leave the story.

“Blogging may happen on screens, but the friendships it creates leave very real footprints — even when the trail suddenly stops.”

Still Here, Still Reading?

I’ve been blogging on WordPress for over 12 years, and although I no longer follow many of the blogs I used to, I appreciate that they are still there when I see those bloggers on social media and in the comment sections of the blogs I follow.

If someone goes missing and it’s someone you have grown a friendship with, I encourage you to check in on them if they are still on social media or you have their email address. But if they have cut all communication, they’ve done so for a reason.

While some online friendships can be fleeting, I’ve witnessed countless genuine friendships form through blogging. Those friendships can grow into something special, so don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help if life gets tough. Remember that not all friendships are measured in miles – some are measured in comments and discussion.

“Is it better to search for answers, or to simply appreciate the time we shared?”

What do you think? Have you ever seen a blogger quietly disappear from your online world? Did you try to reach out, or did you respect the silence? Should we try to reconnect when someone disappears, or accept that some chapters are meant to close without a final page? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. How do you handle goodbyes in the blogging world? How long do you think it would take your readers to miss you?

As always, I appreciate hearing your thoughts.

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136 responses to “When Bloggers Vanish: Online Friendships, Goodbyes and Silence”

  1. Marsha avatar

    This is such a thoughtful post, Hugh. I much prefer when a person leaves their blog up with the goodbye post pinned where everyone can read it. But there is a wealth of interesting information within the blog that readers can still enjoy. It becomes part of the history of blogging. If there is something they don’t want people to use, they could make it private or delete that post.

    A technical effect of deleting your blog is that anyone who has linked to your blog has one or more failed links on their blog, which slows it down. They may not even know it. It can take months to clear up all of the links that were created and broken.

    Blogging friends become very connected on and off the blogosphere. When they are gone, we miss them.

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      I agree with you, Marsha, that bloggers should announce their departure from Blogging. However, I also understand why some bloggers want to delete their blog after they finish blogging, although deleting it a few weeks after publishing their farewell post isn’t a good idea because not everyone will have read it. So maybe include a line in the post saying they’ll delete their blog six months after publishing it. Worse is when a blog is abandoned without any reason, although we know that can happen when sad circumstances occur.

      It’s always sad when people do leave, but life goes on, and other new bloggers will come along.

      1. Marsha avatar

        With the bloggers you know in a community, like Trent or Cee, the word gets around, but for those who are not quite as egaged, it is much harder. We can only change ourselves, so I’ll promise that I will say goodbye when it gets to that point, unless I die suddenly. Then my blog will just be there unattended.

        1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

          I’d recommend you have something in place if that happens, Marsha. I’ve given my partner my blog login details and password so he can inform my readers and then close my blog down. There are so many unattended blogs out there, with no details on why they have been abandoned. It’s so sad to see blogs like that and not know what happened to the host.

          1. Marsha avatar

            I should probably give my details to Terri or someone who blogs. Vince probably wouldn’t know what to do, and he’s five years older than I am – not that that means a thing.

  2. godtisx avatar

    I had a pretty engaged blog where a number of us learned each other’s work and lives and over time. I even met a few folks off WordPress. Then, my mother, father, grand mother, and brother passed away about a year to year and half each way and I began fading from here.

    You should reach out to the pals who have disappeared. You never ever know what’s happened. I know I have appreciated it.

    So – do it. :)

    1. Hugh W. Roberts avatar

      Oh, I have tried, but it’s not easy when they have removed all social media accounts, their blogs and their emails bounce back. When that happens, I think it tells you that they do not want to be contacted, or worse still, that their accounts have been closed down due to death.

      1. godtisx avatar

        Emmm, yes. I can see that…

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