One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I never sat down with my mother and told her that I’m gay. I chose, instead, the easy option of writing to her and telling her that I was a homosexual.
Facing Mum for the first time, after writing that letter, I was very nervous as I travelled to where she lived. I hesitated several times before walking up to the front door, ringing the doorbell, and announcing my arrival.
What a shock I got when she came towards me with open arms and, as she gave me one of her wonderful hugs, hearing her whisper the words “I always knew you were gay, I don’t know why it took you so long to tell me.”
Not all my family were like mum, though. Some told me they were having difficulty in accepting what I was because it wasn’t the sort of thing that happened to men in the area we came from. Hurtful words, but I already knew that the best thing I could do was to keep away from those who were upset by the life I was given, and allow them to live their lives as they wanted.
Over the years, I regained contact with some of those family members and, thankfully, have the changing face of society to thank for bringing us back together.
The fact that, in the past, there had been a few other men in the family who had never married, never seemed to raise any suspicions that the family had gay people as a part of it. It may have been talked about, but never while I was in the room.
I don’t know if any of those men ever ‘came out.’ Probably not, but it must have been difficult for those that were gay at the time they lived. This only made me more determined to live my life how I wanted and not the way others wanted me to live it.
Moving to work and live in London, in 1986, was one of the most important decisions I’ve ever made. Although the city acted as a wall which seemed to protect gay people, I was still finding it difficult to ‘come out.’
It was a strange situation because the first two jobs I took in London were in industries where other openly gay people were employees.
When I took my next job, which would last 23-years, it took me six years to come out, and that was only when I heard the words “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” Of course, nobody cared that I was gay, yet for all those years I had been terrified what some of my work colleagues would think about me had I ‘come out’ of the closet.
Fast forward to today, and being gay is something much of society accepts. Or is it?
When we moved to our current home in South Wales, both my partner and I were a little hesitant that people would accept us. There are fewer people here than where we had lived for over 30 years. We were coming back to that place I’d been told that ‘being gay didn’t happen.’ We couldn’t have been more wrong!
People have been so welcoming, and we’re a part of the community as anyone else. Strange, though, that every now and again when I meet somebody for the first time and am asked who the other guy is that walks our dogs, I find myself hesitating before saying “he’s John, my partner.”
Maybe some of the scars from our past never heal?
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Hugh's Views & News 
Thank you for re-sharing your story, Hugh (came over via your twitter feed). What a wonderfully honest post, I am so pleased that things worked out in the end with most of your family. It’s a shame people cannot feel comfortable sharing who they are, when the world is such a wonderfully diverse place (and wouldn’t it be so boring if everyone was the same!). I have a son, and I honestly couldn’t give a monkeys if he turns out to be gay, straight, bi or any other sexuality. As long as he’s happy (and still lets me give him one of those wonderful mum-hugs you mentioned), I’ll be happy. Much love, KL ❤
You’re welcome, KL. I’ve enjoyed sharing these stories of my early years.
Life was much different for gay and bisexual people back then. Today, it’s much accepted in many places, but pockets of society still discriminate against the LGBTQI+ community. And there are still countries where it is against the law to be gay. Some have the death penalty as punishment. There is still a lot of work to be done.
It took my father over 30 years to accept me as gay. My mother was much more understanding. I was lucky because I’ve seen families disown members of their households for being gay. And it’s sad that it still happens today.
Thank you for sharing your story, Hugh. As the proud mom of a gay woman, her wife and my unbelievably beautiful granddaughter I am happy for you – especially for the support from your mum. I lived in Orlando when the Pulse shooting occurred and saw the pain the LGBTQ experienced. No one should ever be judged for being who they are, let alone targeted. In our country there are pockets of acceptance and pockets of bigotry sadly. I am happy to see the love and support my daughter has. I look forward to the time when we are all just neighbors regardless of the make up of our family.
I’m glad you enjoyed this post, Maggie.
There have been significant changes in acceptance of the LGBTIQ community over the last 40 years, but it’s sad that certain groups still can not accept that gay people exist. I was lucky that my mother accepted me for who I am, but it was a different story with my father and other family members. And even though those scars have healed over the years, there is always that thought at the back of my mind of ‘What if?’ whenever I tell anyone that I’m gay.
I’m delighted to hear that your daughter lives a happy life with her wife and daughter. I’m sure every moment with them is precious.