The Day I Almost Married Lara Croft

What? I almost married Lara Croft?  OK, I don’t mean, ‘the’, Lara Croft do I, just somebody else that has the same name as her?

Well actually no, I do mean the most famous Lara Croft there has ever been, she who is a full-time tomb raider; she who has the body most men desire and most women envy.

#marriage #LaraCroft #humour #weddings

Our relationship started back in August 1997 when a friend of mine loaned me a copy of “Tomb Raider” for the Sony PlayStation 1. I’d had the Playstation for some months but was already getting bored with it, that is until my friend introduced me to Lara Croft.

From the moment I inserted the game disc into the PlayStation and pressed the play button, I’d fallen in love with the one and only woman who would ever pull at my heart-strings.

I would spend countless evenings, nights, and weekends with Lara. It even got to the point that I would no longer go out on a Saturday night. Instead, I would spend the evening at home with Lara while my friends danced the night away, having fun, socialising, meeting new people, enjoying each others company, while I only had eyes for Lara.

She’d take me too far off places around the world, Peru, Mongolia, Egypt, India, to name but a few. She’d protect me from killer bats, bears, lions and weird monsters I never knew existed. I just followed her everywhere and ensured nothing horrible happened to her while on our travels.

I even remember that Saturday afternoon I sat down with her at 5:15 and, before we knew it, the clock told us it was 4.05 Sunday morning. But it didn’t matter then as we were both in love with each other and were seeing each other every day.

The day we got engaged was wonderful. By now, I knew I had met the perfect woman, and I was pretty sure that Lara felt the same way about me. Why wouldn’t she? After all, I’d spend all my free time with her, and I’d even told my work colleagues about her.  I know some of them envied me at having caught myself one of the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world, but others were happy for me and wanted to hear more of the adventures Lara and I were having.

I begged Lara to let me buy her an engagement ring, but she was having none of it. Well, not at that moment anyway, as she had dangerous work to do and would never forgive herself if she lost the ring while working. She promised me I could buy her an engagement ring just as soon as she had solved the mystery she was working on. But that day never came, and it wasn’t long after when things started to go downhill and our Wedding day kept getting further and further away.

I’d gone everywhere with her on her first two adventures. While she worked at solving mysteries and puzzles, I worked earning the money that would pay for our wedding and first home together. We both knew that nothing could part us by the time she started her third adventure, but how wrong we would be. I’ll be very honest and say that her experiences were getting too difficult for me. But that was because I’d started going out again, socialising, meeting friends, having a real laugh, enjoying the actual world around me, catching up on gossip, TV and the movies. Meanwhile, Lara continued her adventures without me, not ever wanting to come with me.

“Most of your friends don’t like me”, she’d told me the day it all went pear-shaped, and I’d realised that she was right. What I also realised was that Lara had put quite a big gap between my friends and me and that I was almost losing them and my life! Not only that but she’d also put a strain on another relationship, the most important one, the one I’d had since 1993 and, to this day, is stronger than ever. Would John ever forgive me?

I finally put an end to my relationship with Lara and called off the wedding. I thought she’d be very upset, especially when I told her I was also selling my Playstation. But, she simply walked away with the man who had purchased the PlayStation from me, and I never heard from her again.

Do I have any regrets about what happened? No.  I’m just very glad that I found my life again and have never been tempted to contact Lara…Ever!

 

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121 comments

  1. Very clever post, Hugh, and I don’t say this to upset you, but you were right to get shut of her – she was making eyes at my boyfriend back in the nineties and it became somewhat of an obsession – fickle that one 😉

  2. And I bet John was so very relieved the day Lara went off with someone else and he got you back! These games are definitely addictive, I saw this in my kids when they were younger with their Playstations and Nintendos. Although funnily enough, having just visited with the boys this past weekend, we were talking about the time when I got addicted to Super Mario and how one time my son said ‘but Mom, it’s time for me to go to bed’ and I kept saying ‘just one more game, it’s fine!’ And I was a stickler to keeping to their bedtime! Like you, I soon came to my senses. Great story Hugh…I just hope the next poor guy came to his senses too 😉

    1. I think he was, Sherri, and now he has blogging to contend with 🙂

      That’s so funny how you reversed the role with the kids and let them stay up longer because of Mario. And there they were wanting to go to bed 🙂 Nice story, Sherri, which shows just how anyone can get addicted to these games. I left Lara behind many years ago now, but I hear she is still on the scene. If you see her when out and about and she asks after me, please tell her that I’m happily married now.

      1. Haha…well Hugh, that’s a whole other story isn’t it? 😉
        Yes, the kids love to tease me about the time when I was ‘obsessed with Mario’. Glad you enjoyed that little story Hugh 🙂 And I will certainly pass on the message to Lara if I ever do see her; I’m sure she’ll be very happy for you… 🙂

  3. Really enjoyed this Hugh. Took me back to my early playstation days with Ratchet & Clank (I still love them both), however, I too left them behind – in my case due to motion sickness – when the games started getting too physically fast for me. Glad you found your happy ending in reality.

    1. So am I, Claudette. I’m not sure that Lara has found her happy ending yet. I no longer own a PlayStation and, thank goodness, I’ve never been tempted to go back to video gaming (other than the odd silly game on my iPhone).

  4. Oh wow! You totally reminded me of when I was addicted to Legend of Zelda! I didn’t fall for Link though. At that point in time he barely resembled a human- nothing like Lara’s curves. 🙂

  5. Had me hooked from the beginning, Hugh. Your tale, that is, not Lara. I did have a brief spell in the early nineties playing Prince of Persia, and realised how addictive it could become, so I’ve steered clear of computer games ever since. I want a life, and clearly so do you!

  6. Oh, this post made me smile. And I really needed that today.

    It also reminded me of the time when Lara brought me and my dad closer together. We’d spend hours together, him playing, me watching (and occasionally reading a walkthrough if things got particularly tricky!) She also probably started my love/obsession with strong, female characters and gaming – things I still spend far too much time on to this day.

    In a fit of nostalgia I’ve even bough the TombRaider anniversary pack for my PS3. Which probably explains why I never do enough blogging.

    Thanks for cheering me up!

    1. Well I’m glad she has her good points as well, Stacey. That’s a lovely story about her bringing you and your dad closer. I must admit and also say that I also needed the occasional help from the walkthrough. She had to have me there sometimes to help with some of those tough puzzles.

      I’m very happy to hear that my story about Lara helped cheer you up. Wishing you great day ahead.

  7. Glad you saw the light, Hugh. Too many young men never do and I worry about their mental health. As my mother used to say, there are a lot of pebbles on the beach. Glad you put that pebble down!

  8. LOL! I’ve never been good enough at a game to become obsessed. Although, a few years back there was a brief flirtation with Farmville. I had to quit Candy Crush because of severe frustration and zero skill. I dallied with a Vampire game but never made it out of the castle. Now, I date a little Disney puzzle called Maleficent Free Fall. Strictly a no-strings kind of thing.
    Sorry PlayStation cut into your real life but, damn, really impressed that you got that good at it 🙂

    1. I wouldn’t say I was very good at the game but I did complete her first game and was half way through the second adventure with her when I saw just what she was doing to me. I did move on to some other games but they never hooked me as much as Lara did. Then came blogging and…well…you know, that feeling like you’ve been here before?

  9. great story. I once had a crush on a guitar player on Guitar Hero. I played so much there was no expert status I couldn’t achieve. I had the same end as you. I think it was a base player who won her over. I really don’t know since I put the game in the closet.

    1. I’m guessing that she has now become Mrs Base Player? Just ensure you keep her in the closet, John. If she sees you back on stage with her then you may well fall into her spell again, only this time with the added problem of that Bass player giving you some dirty looks.

  10. I so get this, until I was introduced to Lara I had a Sega Master System. Whilst in my friends house one night he asked me to help him through a level and I was hooked. He leant me his PS1 that Christmas and hardley anyone saw me, not long after I would buy a PS1 of my own. It’s one of the few games I took days off work for lol
    I no longer have a PS1, my PS2 is bundled away, but I still have all the Tomb Raider games, the whole set. They says tho Lara is a little more robust because thankfully I still meet her from time to time on the Xbox one, she speaks of you fondly. 🙂

    1. Oh my, please don’t tell Lara where I am. Every time the doorbell goes I think it’s her. I don’t think I could bear breaking the bad news to her that I am no longer hers. I dread to think what she would do (to me).

      Good to hear you’re longer hooked to games consoles. Keep up the brilliant work Jules, and continue to enjoy life outside of the gaming world.

  11. Lol Hugh, you’re hilarious and so entertaining. And then I have to ask, after giving up Lara, were you smitten by Angelina Jolie when she took over the movie version? 🙂

  12. Fantastic post. I love it. I can so relate too, not to the falling in love with video game people, but book people, especially those I create. They are absolutely real, if not in the flesh, as least energetically. They have the potential to change us, ruin our lives, or make us better more mindful people.

    1. Thank you Diana, and I agree with what you say. I think TV and Movie characters can also have that affect on us. The problem is how and when we make it stop. Usually it’s common sense that wins out, but I have seen this kind of stuff ruin people’s lives.

  13. Haha! Is this true? Very funny and very entertaining. Its amazing how something like that can take over your life. I never got into gaming, but reading can do that to me, and writing definitely does.

  14. So many have been taken down by her “assets”, Hugh. Don’t be too hard on yourself. And…any woman who has worked out (ever) does not envy that body…they know how hard it is to achieve ! ☺☺

  15. My husband had a bit of a fling with her as well! I was a bit mad as she always wore such skimpy outfits, and I thought she was a bit of a tart! Luckily, he wasn’t as dedicated to her as you were, and he went off with Drake from Uncharted instead. He finds him so much more exciting!! 🙂

  16. Oh I understand. Although Lara was never lets say my total cup of tea. However since the game I fell in love with only ever had one “episode” once I’d played to the end a few times that was pretty much it- although if they ever made a second episode then well….

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