Have You Lost Your Desire To Write?

I’ve witnessed many people saying that they seem to have lost their writing mojo since the COVID-19 pandemic started. Likewise, it happened to me. 

I don’t know what it was, but I didn’t feel in the mood to write any forms of specific creativity. 

I couldn’t even bring myself to look at any of the drafts I had for new short stories, or even the two books I have in my computer’s archives. 

My desire to delve into them had taken a vacation that had no end date.

I had no idea why it was happening. Then I put something to the test. 

Like many, I’d found myself reading blog posts that had a ‘doom and gloom’ theme to them. 

The majority of those posts, of course, were COVID-19 related. 

However, since cutting down on the number of COVID-19 blogs posts I read, my writing mojo seems to occasionally show signs of returning.

I can sometimes see it waving at me before disappearing again. I was never any good at ‘hide & seek.’ I was always the first one to be found and could never find anybody.

When my writing mojo does appear, I do all I can to grab it by the horns and get writing. 

Writing something – anything – makes me feel good. In fact, it makes my day!

This led me to seek out more and more blog posts that contain positivity, laughter, humour and good news. Yes, despite what’s going on in today’s world, those happy blog posts are still out there.

Of course, not all COVID-19 related blog posts are full of doom and gloom. Some contain humour, so I haven’t cut myself entirely off from what’s going on in the world. I’ve even written a few myself, but so have many others. 

Yes, there is a COVID-19 connection in her post, but the video has made many readers smile and laugh. Thank you Willow, for giving me and many visitors to your blog a lift, and making our day with the video you shared. 

Then there are simple blog posts like the one from Elizabeth, at Tea & Pepper, which features a photo of something that brings joy to her moments of solitude. Her blog post made me smile and confirm to myself that everything will be OK. Click here to view Elizabeth’s post.

Social Media joins in with the humour

We mustn’t forget social media. It’s also playing its part in taking a bad situation and turning it into something that will make some of us smile.

Is now the perfect time to write?

You’d think that this moment in time would be perfect for writers and authors to get on with writing and editing their works-in-progress, especially given that many of us find ourselves at home. Yet, many have no urge to delve in and bring those pieces of fiction and creativity to life.

In a recent comment, I left on the blog of Cher Garman (The Chicago Files), I compared my current life to that of starting a new chapter in a book; a chapter in which I didn’t want to feature. Here’s what I said –

I look at the current situation we’re in as a chapter in a book, Cher. I’ll get to the end of that chapter soon, and a new one will begin. And, best of all, these chapters are a pathway to a happy ending.

The comment got me thinking, and I started to wonder if what is happening in the world today is only happening to me? 

  • Am I witnessing something that is a warning to only me? 
  • Are all of you out there just figures of my imagination?
  • Am I just a figure of your imagination? 
  • Are you watching a sci-fi movie of which I am the leading role?
#DoctorWho #television #scifi
  • Did I wake up one morning not realising that I had crossed over into a parallel universe?
  • Have we been put to sleep, and what is happening is a dream/nightmare we’re all experiencing at the same time?
  • Have I become the victim of one of my short stories because of all the scares they’ve given readers?

My creative desire to write may have hit a dead-end, but it seems my imagination is still in overdrive.

Thankfully, for me, it was only certain forms of writing I found myself struggling with. 

I’ve managed to continue to write and publish the weekly episodes featuring newlyweds Doug, Sophie and their friend Mike. And I’ve had no problems with posting my Wordless Wednesday featured photos.

A few weeks ago, I also started a new feature, The Entertainment Files, but all of these required only small amounts of writing. But, little steps lead to big success, don’t they?

After reading a blog post from Esther Chilton, I got those little steps moving and joined in with her request to write a limerick. What great fun that was, especially reading the limericks from other participants.

There was a young actress called Sheila

Who drove her friends mad with her new feature

A strange ring through her nose

As big as her big toes

Made her look like an outa space creature.

Hugh W. Roberts – 2020

Laughter is a medicine we all need at the moment.

Something else that also happened was that by way of a comment, I heard from another blogger who told me how they were trying to spread some positivity.

What a great idea in helping some individual bloggers move away from blogging about COVID-19 by challenging them to write something positive instead.

I may decide to challenge some of you, so watch out for some pingback notifications from me.

Do you still want blogging tips from me?

I’ve wondered if during these uncertain times if anybody wants to continue to read blogging and social media tips. Given I’ve had little appetite for reading any, is this something people still want to read on my blog?

Please let me know by leaving me a comment.

  • Are any of you finding that there has been a decline in engagement on your blogs since the COVID-19 pandemic began? 
  • Have the number of comments you usually get decreased in number or have the comments become shorter? 
  • Have you noticed a change in the writing styles and subjects from bloggers who typically write and publish about specific genres? 
  • Are you carrying on as usual and writing and publishing the same stuff you always do? 
  • Have you noticed other bloggers doing the same?  

It’s a strange world out there, but as I look out of the window, nature doesn’t seem to have stopped. There may be a lack of people, traffic and life outside, but everything else looks the same.  

Some believe that COVID-19 will change the way we all live our lives in the future. I wonder if it will also change the way many of us write? Or are these changes already happening? What do you think?

Just before publishing this post, I read an interesting blog post by Anne R. Allen which goes into much more detail as to why many writers are finding it tough to write at the moment. Anne gives some excellent advice on how to beat the slump. Click here to read her post.

Copyright © 2020 hughsviewsandnews.com – All rights reserved.

The Entertainment Files – Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

The Entertainment Files is a brand new feature on Hugh’s Views and News.

Over the coming days/weeks/months/years, I hope to entertain you with humour, laughter, challenges, music and lots more.

We kick off the series with my all-time favourite moment from the American sitcom television series, The Golden Girls. Warning – it does contain some adult humour.

The Golden Girls is an American sitcom television series created by Susan Harris. It originally aired on NBC from September 14, 1985, to May 9, 1992, with a total of 180 half-hour episodes spanning seven seasons.

The show stars Beatrice Arthur, Betty White, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty as four older women who share friendship, and a home in Miami, Florida.

Source: Wikipedia

I hope the clip made you laugh as much as it makes me smile whenever I watch it.

Have you watched The Golden Girls? Do you have a favourite scene from the show? Share it with us in the comments section or by creating a new blog post, linking back to this post. Click here to find out how to create a pingback.

Make someone’s day by making them laugh.

Looking for more entertainment? Click on ‘The Entertainment Files‘ on the menu bar.

Copyright © 2020 hughsviewsandnews.com – All rights reserved.

The Shocking Truth Found Inside Men’s Underpants

I wasn’t even looking for underpants, but something drew my eyes to the underwear section of the website I was looking at. For some strange reason, I could not take my eyes off what was in front of me.

#shopping #humour #clothes

Before you ask, it was an entirely safe and well-known website but, one hour and forty-five minutes later, there was still nothing in my checkout basket. Had I really spent all that time admiring all the eye-candy underpants on offer, or had I fallen asleep at the computer, bored at the prospect of buying what I had intended coming here for?

It wasn’t long before I started asking myself questions such as why do the eye-candy models have to be semi-naked when modelling underpants? I even discovered that when I hovered my mouse over one of the models, he would spin around for me and show me the view from behind. That’s quite a handy little tool, don’t you think? How many times have you asked yourself what your ‘Mr Man’ socks look like when viewed from behind?

Then I asked myself if I would have been spending as much time as I was in the men’s underwear section of this website if all the models were like our postman, Pete? (or ‘Pop it in Pete’, as I like to call him). He can be very chatty when he hands me something too large to go through the slot. However, I decided that I’d asked myself a difficult question, so I moved on and remembered what I had come to the website for.

Before I knew it, I started asking myself if Pete would spend as much time as me in the men’s underwear section of this website? Probably not, given that he’s told me about his two grownup daughters, although he does like listening to Kylie and watching ‘Will and Grace’ on a Friday night.

Pete wasn’t a good example so I wondered if our plumber, Roger, would spend as much time as I was in the men’s underwear section? Do tradesmen like going shopping for themselves given, that when I worked in retail, some men leave it until the last minute to buy that perfect gift for their wife/girlfriend/partner? Knowing that Roger doesn’t like shopping, which he mentioned to me whilst nibbling on a whole packet of custard creams, would he ever buy his own underpants?

Shaking thoughts of Pete and Roger from my head, I then noticed that most of the underpants on the website were on sale. Great, I could bag myself a bargain before looking for that item I’d come here to buy. Now, this is when the real problems started because there were so many shapes and styles of underpants, to keep your crown jewels safe, that I really started getting confused.

Boxers, briefs, V-shaped, hipster, ribbed (ribbed? I thought you only found ribbed on—) trunks, G-String, jocks; the list seemed endless. I decided that it would be better for me to go to the shopping centre (because I’d be told that men’s underpants were down in Marks & Spencer) and try on all these different styles of underpants so I would know which suited me and the crown jewels best.

IMG_7627

My trip to Marks & Spencer was short-lived when an elderly lady, who had evidently mistaken me for a shop assistant, approached me and asked, “where do you keep your knickers, love?” When I was later told that I was not allowed to try on any of the underwear for hygienic reasons (I did explain to the lady outside the men’s changing rooms that I had showered before coming out), coming to a shopping centre to do my shopping was a mistake. I decided to head home again and do what I always do when it comes to shopping – do it online!

By this time, the whole day had just about disappeared, and I decided I didn’t need to buy any underpants after all because I’d had some given to me for Christmas! Phew, that was lucky, but then I started asking myself how Santa always got the size right?

Gentlemen – do you encounter any of these problems when buying your underpants, or do you save time and get somebody to buy them for you?

Ladies – who is the buyer of the underpants for the men in your household, and do you encounter as many problems as I do when shopping for underpants?

© 2018 Copyright-All rights reserved-hughsviewsandnews.com.

A Letter To ‘Thing’

4th May 2017

Dear Thing,

How are you?

Should you even be here?

Are you hiding from me?

Where did you come from?

Why can’t I see you?

Are you animal, vegetable or mineral?

Do you even exist?

You can’t be everything, can you?

Why am I asking you these questions? Well, it’s because I don’t understand you. You see, I’ve heard people talking about you. They say stuff like “you know that thing we were talking about the other day.” Or, “if it wasn’t for the thing I found tied to the ballcock inside our toilet cistern”, or “the house would not have been our home if that thing was still there.” It drives me crazy when I hear people talking about you like that!

You can’t exist, can you, Thing? Put it this way, if we people said what it was we were talking about by name, instead of mentioning you, then there would be absolutely no need for you, would there? After all, everything has a name, doesn’t it?

I’m so sorry if this letter upsets you, but I had to write and tell you how I feel. I could not find you anywhere to tell you in person, and nobody I have asked seems to have any contact details for you, yet you appear to be very popular.

Hold on, what did I just write? ‘Nobody seems to have any contact details for you.’ So, where on earth should I send this letter then?!! Oh no, why am I asking you that question? You don’t exist, do you?

Best wishes, and hope to never see or hear from you again (I won’t, because you don’t exist, do you?).

A euphoric, (now that I have that off my chest), Hugh

P.S – Please send my very best wishes to your friend ‘Nobody’, because they don’t exist either, do they?

#writing #words

Have you ever met ‘Thing’? Do you know anything about ‘Thing’? Leave me details in the comments section.

 Follow Hugh on Flipboard.

© 2017 Copyright-All rights reserved-hughsviewsandnews.com.

 

Audrey Hepburn & The Chocolate Bar – What Happened Next?

My recent post, The Trouble With Chocolate, where I dissected a commercial for a bar of Galaxy chocolate (Dove in the U.S.A), and which features an Audrey Hepburn look-a-like, had me wondering what on earth happened to Audrey after she got in that strange man’s car.

Before I give you my version of what I think happened, here is the commercial again. Have a look at it and then allow me to pick up the story for you.

The cool breeze passed Audrey’s face. The area around her mouth, now covered with chocolate, felt a little stiff but smelled heavenly.

She looked down, as the stranger driving the car stared at her through the rear-view mirror. His eyes were a deep, dark, brown, almost the same colour as the chocolate smothered across her face. She looked up again and wondered why he was driving a right-hand drive vehicle when they were in Italy? Then she remembered, but the answer disappeared as quickly as the chocolate had, once she had got the wrapper off. She still held the world record for eating a bar of Galaxy.

The stranger could not take his eyes off her, narrowly missing a group of chickens and a lady balancing a wheelbarrow on one eyebrow, while standing on one leg. Even with her face and dress covered in melted chocolate, he still thought she was beautiful.

He remembered the day he had seen her buying that dress. Blowing kisses at him, she had flirted with him in front of other customers in the shop while he walked slowly around looking for somewhere to sit down. Then, unfortunately, he had mistakenly walked into a double D cup being worn by a mannequin at least a foot taller than him. The bra had made direct contact with his right eyeball, causing to him shout “ouch” and startle several other customers. By the time he had wiped away the tears, she had gone into the fitting room.

I’ll have to buy a new pair of gloves, she thought to herself, after using them to wipe away the chocolate off her face. Oh, how she wished somebody had invented stain remover. Then she thought she’d try to get away with giving them a quick rinse under the garden tap. “Damn!” she said to herself, having remembered she’d forgotten to get her heartburn tablets off the old man sitting next to her on the bus.

The stranger blew her a kiss in the rear-view mirror, and she raised a hand to catch it, but a gust of wind caught one of the loose gloves in her hand, and she turned her head and watched it come to rest on the road. He did not stop the car, for he was full of excitement and wanted to get her to the other side of the hill as quickly as he could. He had big plans for the evening, so put a little more pressure on the accelerator pedal.

No words had passed between them when the car finally came to a stop. He looked at her once more through the rear-view mirror while she picked up her handbag and fumbled inside it. She finally looked up at the building, now in front of her, her glance immediately going to the upstairs windows where she knew the excitement would begin. She felt so excited by the thought of what was about to happen; the heartburn tablets and the woman with the yellow bowl stuck on her head on the bus, no longer mattered.

He finally got out of the driver’s seat and walked round, opening the door for her so she could step out. She was totally unaware that the wrapper from the chocolate bar was stuck to the back of her dress as she rose herself up from the back seat.

He put out his hand to help her out, and melted chocolate passed from her hand to his. The excitement for both was now nearing take off. It would not be long before they were inside the beautiful villa where all the waiting would finally come to an end. She looked up at him as he wiped his hand on the back of her dress.

“Why did you accelerate so quickly to get us here? I was enjoying the ride,” she romantically whispered to him.

Putting his strong, rugged arms around her and looking her straight in the eyes, the stranger finally spoke to her.

“The soft top of the car hood is stuck again, and the garage couldn’t fix it. Plus, I think there’s rain on the way because my knees have gone a little stiff. I’m off to watch the football. Stick the car in the garage will you before you have your bath. Your mother is dropping off the kids in ten minutes, and the dog needs walking.”

Audrey’s chocolate scented bubble bath would have to wait.

-The End-

brown chocolate bar
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

© 2017 Copyright-All rights reserved-hughsviewsandnews.com.

The Trouble With Chocolate

Can chocolate be trouble? In my books, yes it can, and Audrey Hepburn is to blame!

I’m really bothered; severely troubled, and it’s all to do with this commercial.

So there you have it. Cute commercial, yes? But, where does the word ‘trouble’ come into it and why am I bothered by what Audrey Hepburn is up to on that bus?

Now, I know some of you are shaking your heads and looking at me as if I’ve just announced I’ve purchased a cat flap for a submarine, but please stay with me on this and let me tell you why I think that commercial has made me think chocolate is nothing but trouble.

Maybe the trouble is to do with the beautiful scene right at the beginning?

Is it the beautiful Audrey Hepburn look-a-like sat on the bus? She does have incredible eyes, doesn’t she? All sort of puppy looking and adorable.

Is it what she reveals is inside her handbag when she opens it?

Oh, wait! What about the handsome chap who pulls up in the car besides the bus? No, he’s not my type, and why is there a woman sat on the bus with a yellow bowl on her head? Did you see her? Yes?

Now, where was I? Oh yes, what was inside Audrey’s handbag. Now considering she’s sat on a hot bus (because it’s a beautiful sunny day outside and the commercial is set in a hot country) should that chocolate bar not have melted in her handbag? Does the guy sitting next to her look like he’s in need of some Gaviscon? To me, it seems like he has heartburn. Are you still shaking your head?

Is it the music and the song, Moon River, that is the problem, or what about the voice of the singer? Beautiful voice, yeah, but wouldn’t make it on X-Factor or The Voice. Besides, I prefer the original version.

Then there’s that guy in the car. He may be good-looking but, believe me, I don’t think he’s the one who is trouble. OK, I wouldn’t turn down an offer of a beer with him just to find out what hair products he uses and discuss why Barbie and Ken never got married, but, believe me, it’s not him.

Right, back to the commercial. Is that a pumpkin on the road Audrey passes when she gets off the bus? Did they have big ripe pumpkins in the middle of summer in the 1950s, and why has somebody painted what looks like two caterpillars above Audrey’s eyes? I’m sure they’re moving around her face.

Could it be the rugged bus driver that is the trouble? Is it him I want to see in place of Audrey on the bus? Well no, because who would then drive the bus? Audrey? Not with the shoes, she’s wearing. No way! I’d be off that bus quicker than my Aunt Mary being chased down Dagenham High Street by two Store Detectives, after sticking a frozen turkey up her jumper and making a run for it.

Now, back to the good-looking man in the car. Do you think he has a big head? I only ask, as when Audrey puts the bus driver’s cap on him, before getting into his car, it looks at least two sizes too small for him. On the other hand, maybe the bus driver has a small head? After all, he is bald. Maybe that is why the cap is far too small for the good-looking man driving the car?  What do you think?

How on earth did Audrey get the chocolate bar out of her handbag as the good-looking man whisked her off in his car? I never saw her open her bag and get the chocolate out. Did you? And, come on Audrey, would you really get into a strange man’s car without even asking his name?

Want to know what happened to Audrey after she was driven off in that strange man’s car? Was there really romance in the air? Click here for all the details.

Do you ever have problems with chocolate?

heart shaped chocolates
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

© 2017 Copyright-All rights reserved-hughsviewsandnews.com.

 

How To Spend A Restful Few Minutes Over A Cup Of Coffee

I’d just sat down to a nice cup of coffee.

Two sachets of sugar are on the saucer, but the teaspoon looks all rusty and dirty from too many washes in the dishwasher and is not being wiped clean! Never mind, the coffee looks good and it’s a beautiful day here on Mumbles seafront.

I take my first sip and then it begins.

“Hello, Brian, can you hear me……I’m on the mobile……can you hear me, Brian?”

Bit of a pause.

“Brian, can you……what?…….what did you say, Brian?”

Longer pause.

“I’m ringing to find out if…….Brian, are you still there?”

Bit of a pause.

“OK, I’m waving now, can you see me?”

Pause

“Well, I’m waving. Hold on, I’ll get Margaret to wave.”

Margaret starts to wave her hand.

“Can you see us?”

Pause

“Well I can’t understand it, we’re both waving.  Are you there Brian, can you hear me?”

Pause

“Yes, I was ringing to find out if it was working?”

Pause

“No, I said, I was ringing…….Brian, can you hear me? Perhaps you can’t hear what I’m saying?”

Pause.

“Okay, I’ll get Margaret to wave again, hold on.”

Margaret waves again and a small girl passing by, licking an ice cream cone, waves back at her.

“Can you see her waving, Brian?  I’m waving now as well, can you see us?”

Pause.

“No, I’ve been to Spec Savers and my eyes are Okay. I wasn’t ringing about that, I was ringing about the……”

Longer pause.

“No, my eyes are fine, they said I could continue with the glasses I’ve had for the last……..hello…Brian, can you hear me, are you still there, Brian?”

He looks at the phone.

“I think he’s gone, Margaret.”

He puts the phone back to his ear.

“Brian, are you still there?”

By this time, I quickly gulped my coffee down wanting to get away, but then he looked at the phone again and this time he closed it up as it was one of those clam style phones. I thought about getting another coffee and maybe a cake so I could continue with my people watching, but then his phone rang.

“Hello…Brian, is that you, can you hear me?”

Not wanting to find out what it was that he wanted to know was working, Toby and I made a very quick departure.

We enjoyed a lovely quiet walk home along the beach without the sound of any mobiles phones going off.

Toby on the beach

Have you ever overheard a one-sided conversation? What was it about?

© 2016 Copyright-All rights reserved-hughsviewsandnews.com.

10 Reasons Why You May Be Gay

Warning! – Contains some adult humour.

Ever wondered if your brother, boyfriend, best friend, boss, or that lovely looking man you pass by every day is gay? Here are the top 10 things to look out for in finding out the answer.

  1. Gay men do not like watching or participating in sport.
  2. Gay men love baking quiche.
  3. Gay men always dress well.
  4. Gay men love to go shopping.
  5. Gay men love to watch ‘The Eurovision Song Contest.’
  6. Gay men love to watch re-runs of ‘The Golden Girls.’
  7. Gay men would never apply for a job on a building site.
  8. Gay men love the music of Kylie Minogue.
  9. Gay men can tell you what cardigan best fits the outfit you are wearing.
  10. Gay men lust after all heterosexual men.

These are just some of the things I’ve been told over the years when asked the question “Are you gay?” and getting one of the above as an answer when responding “why do you ask?”

Let’s tackle each one and see if we can find out the answers, shall we?

1. Gay men do not like watching or participating in sport.

False. Although I’m not a massive lover of watching sport and have never indeed shown any signs of participating in any, that does not mean I am gay. There are plenty of gay sportsmen and women in the world (although, as yet, none in the English Premier Football League – ha!). Anyway, I do like watching some sports, especially when the ball is curved, and there is lots of mud involved!

2. Gay men love baking quiche.

False. How do you know you’ve been burgled by gay burglars? Because when you come home, they will have tidied up and left you a quiche in the oven!

I do like eating quiche, but because I don’t make my own does not mean that I am not gay!

3. Gay men always dress well.

False. While I take great pride in my appearance, you should see some of the outfits my gay male friends wear. Plus, even though I like wearing my flannelette, carpet burns & chocolate sauce proof pyjamas, it does not mean I’m always looking smart. Comfort over style always wins.

4. Gay men love to go shopping.

False. I hate going shopping (unless it’s to the Apple store). No, I’ve come into the 21st century now and do all my shopping online.

5. Gay men love to watch ‘The Eurovision Song Contest.’

False. While for many gay men watching the final of ‘The Eurovision Song Contest’ is the straight man’s version of the ‘The FA Cup final’, I do know of some gay men who prefer watching football to ‘The Eurovision Song Contest.’  *note to self – link back to what you said in point 1, Hugh!* Also, I know many straight men who like watching ‘The Eurovision Song Contest.’ However, getting some of them to admit it is sometimes very hard.

10 ways to find out if you're gay
Gay or not Gay?

6. Gay men love to watch re-runs of ‘The Golden Girls.’

False. Most do, but so does my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, niece, and Perry (who insists on measuring my inside leg when buying a new pair of shorts!). Some straight people also like watching re-runs of ‘The Golden Girls,’ but that doesn’t mean they’re gay. *Note to self – ask Perry if he watches Eurovision next time I’m shopping online for a pair of shorts.*

7. Gay men would never apply for a job on a building site.

False. There are plenty of gay builders, plumbers, electricians, carpenters and labourers out there. Just like there are some female builders, plumbers, electricians, carpenters and hairdressers! Don’t get me wrong, I may have never wanted to be a builder, but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying wearing a hard hat every now and again.

8. Gay men love the music of Kylie Minogue.

False. Many may scream “KYLIE, KYLIE” when one of her songs comes on and dance the night away, but so do some straight men (minus the screaming of course). The difference here is that Kylie has become an icon in the gay man’s world whereas in the straight man’s world somebody like Wayne Rooney or Sir Bobby Charlton may be icons.

9. Gay men can tell you which cardigan best fits the outfit you are wearing.

False. A gay man would tell you never to wear a cardigan. Why on earth would anybody want to wear a cardigan, unless it’s your Aunt Mabel or Great Gran? They are very unlikely to ask a gay man for his opinion on what is best to wear because they are quite happy to make their own choice.  And don’t argue with them!

10. Gay men lust after all heterosexual men.

False. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I really do not fancy you or your best man. Yes, some straight men are good-looking and who’d blame me for putting them on my fantasy date list, but what you might find or think is attractive doesn’t mean that I will. Just like the chocolates in a box of Milk Tray, we’re all different. Now, let me give you those directions to Perry the tailor’s shop you were asking me for.

Other than asking somebody, how would you decide if somebody was gay?

© 2016 Copyright-All rights reserved-hughsviewsandnews.com.

The Day I Almost Married Lara Croft

What? I almost married Lara Croft?  OK, I don’t mean, ‘the’, Lara Croft do I, just somebody else that has the same name as her?

Well, actually, no, I do mean the most famous Lara Croft there has ever been, she who is a full-time tomb raider; she who has the body most men desire and most women envy.

#marriage #LaraCroft #humour #weddings

Our relationship started back in August 1997 when a friend of mine loaned me a copy of “Tomb Raider” for the Sony PlayStation 1. I’d had the Playstation for some months but was already getting bored with it, that is until my friend introduced me to Lara Croft.

From the moment I inserted the game disc into the PlayStation and pressed the play button, I’d fallen in love with the one and only woman who would ever pull at my heart-strings.

I would spend countless evenings, nights, and weekends with Lara. It even got to the point that I would no longer go out on a Saturday night. Instead, I would spend the evening at home with Lara while my friends danced the night away, having fun, socialising, meeting new people, enjoying each others company, while I only had eyes for Lara.

She’d take me too far off places around the world, Peru, Mongolia, Egypt, India, to name but a few. She’d protect me from killer bats, bears, lions and weird monsters I never knew existed. I just followed her everywhere and ensured nothing horrible happened to her while on our travels.

I even remember that Saturday afternoon I sat down with her at 5:15 and, before we knew it, the clock told us it was 4.05 Sunday morning. But it didn’t matter then as we were both in love with each other and were seeing each other every day.

The day we got engaged was wonderful. By now, I knew I had met the perfect woman, and I was pretty sure that Lara felt the same way about me. Why wouldn’t she? After all, I’d spend all my free time with her, and I’d even told my work colleagues about her.  I know some of them envied me at having caught myself one of the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world, but others were happy for me and wanted to hear more of the adventures Lara and I were having.

I begged Lara to let me buy her an engagement ring, but she was having none of it. Well, not at that moment anyway, as she had dangerous work to do and would never forgive herself if she lost the ring while working. She promised me I could buy her an engagement ring just as soon as she had solved the mystery she was working on. But that day never came, and it wasn’t long after when things started to go downhill and our Wedding day kept getting further and further away.

I’d gone everywhere with her on her first two adventures. While she worked at solving mysteries and puzzles, I worked earning the money that would pay for our wedding and first home together. We both knew that nothing could part us by the time she started her third adventure, but how wrong we would be. I’ll be very honest and say that her experiences were getting too difficult for me. But that was because I’d started going out again, socialising, meeting friends, having a real laugh, enjoying the actual world around me, catching up on gossip, TV and the movies. Meanwhile, Lara continued her adventures without me, not ever wanting to come with me.

“Most of your friends don’t like me”, she’d told me the day it all went pear-shaped, and I’d realised that she was right. What I also realised was that Lara had put quite a big gap between my friends and me and that I was almost losing them and my life! Not only that but she’d also put a strain on another relationship, the most important one, the one I’d had since 1993 and, to this day, is stronger than ever. Would John ever forgive me?

I finally put an end to my relationship with Lara and called off the wedding. I thought she’d be very upset, especially when I told her I was also selling my Playstation. But, she simply walked away with the man who had purchased the PlayStation from me, and I never heard from her again.

Do I have any regrets about what happened? No.  I’m just very glad that I found my life again and have never been tempted to contact Lara…Ever!

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