When I woke up that Saturday morning, little did I know that something I was hiding from view from others was about to have the key put in the ignition and set me off on a journey that was to become the life I was born with.
It was a Saturday morning like any other Saturday morning. I always got up first because I’m an early bird.
After breakfast, I’d sit down and watch Multi-Coloured Swap Shop – a children’s TV show on Saturday morning.
The fact that I was 17 years old didn’t put me off from watching it. I loved watching it. It got my weekend off to a perfect start.
Just after midday, I always went into town to buy an array of snacks for myself for the evening. I still preferred to spend Saturday evenings indoors watching television like I did on Saturday mornings.
My parents thought it unusual for a boy my age to want to stay in on a Saturday evening. At the time, I thought they knew nothing about why I did not want to go out. Years later, I discovered my mother had already suspected I was gay.
Whereas boys my age were going out to drink alcohol and date girls, my Saturday evening treat was the snacks (including a small trifle from Marks & Spencer) and Saturday evening television.
I always visited the same shops to browse or buy something. On this particular Saturday, though, something I’d seen on TV that morning made me go into a shop I hardly ever visited.
Scanning the shelves full of newspapers and magazines for the music newspaper I wanted, it soon caught my eye.
On the front was a picture of the singing duo Chas and Dave. I didn’t particularly like their music, but I found both men sexually attractive.
Picking up the newspaper, I flicked through it, pretending not to notice the picture and taking little, if any, notice of who was around me.
Towards the back of the newspaper, I stumbled upon the advertisement section, and one of the adverts immediately got my attention.
It was a significant point in my life that opened a door and invited me to step through.
I didn’t personally know any other gay people, yet here was an advert in a music newspaper about a world I belonged to yet knew little of.
Gay?
Then you should read Gay News.
Once fortnightly.
For a copy, send a postal order for (I can’t remember how much) to –
At that moment, a member of staff entered the shop and shouted over to the cashier –
“I see the library is open again, Karen.”
She was referring to me and a few other customers who were all flicking through various newspapers and magazines. I quickly closed the paper to see if anybody noticed me reading the advert.
At that point, I wanted to put down the paper and rush out of the shop, but the chance of being in touch with other gay people stopped me from doing so.
I told myself to be brave, quickly walked over to Karen, and nervously placed the newspaper by the cash register. “Got everything you need today?” she asked me as she pushed the keys on the cash register.
Nodding my head, I could feel myself blushing. I thought she knew which advert I’d been reading and was about to stand up and announce, ‘This one’s queer!” Of course, that never happened.
As I walked home, my heartbeat raced. I kept looking behind to check if anyone was following me. After all, unlike my straight friends, it was still illegal for me (as a gay man) to have sex with a same-sex partner until I was 21.
Precisely one week later, I waited patiently for the postman to arrive. When my first copy of Gay News came through the letterbox, I rushed downstairs before anybody else got to the post.
I was relieved that the people at Gay News did as they had promised to do in their advertisement. My copy of the paper arrived in a plain brown envelope.
My hands shook as I took the envelope up to my bedroom. Carefully tearing it open, I allowed the life I’d been hiding to start coming out of the closet.
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True Stories: Confessions Of A Gay Man – Boyfriends
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It was reviews and small ads in Films and Filming in the 1960s that began to open my mind to possibilities.
Thanks for sharing, Paul. Those golden days of newspaper and magazine adverts where you had to wait for weeks for the responses to arrive. Nothing like today’s world.
Oh, I wouldn’t have dared respond to any of the adverts. But the fact that ‘young man with varied interests including physique photography seeks similar for flat-share in West London’ was stored away in my head as something that might at some point be open to me.
That puts me in the feeling I had when I first saw the advert for Gay News. And seeing all the adverts at the back of the paper (once I got a copy) had me hesitating for a long time about whether I should respond to any of them. It was like a minefield, but one that was also full of opportunities.
I was fortunate in that I grew up in Reno Nevada which is a lot like Las Vegas – a lot of people in the entertainment industry. As a child I knew many gay people and didn’t think of them any differently. I did have friends whose parents were either overly religious or conservative and they did have a rough time coming out. One even committed suicide. I think of him to this day.
Heartbreaking to hear about your friend who took his own life because he was gay. He must have been in a very dark place. It goes to show that we never know how people are feeling under the surface and should always be kind and considerate to everyone. Even today people are subject to hate and discrimination for being gay. And in some parts of the world, gay people face the death penalty or years in prison because of who they are. There is so much work still to be done.
Well done Hugh 💜💜
Thanks, Willow.
What a hard time it must’ve been for you as a teen. You didn’t mention the year, but I can imagine that times then were very different than they are now.
They were, Kellye. Before discovering Gay News, I thought I was all alone in the world and would never meet any other gay people.
What an eye-opening experience that must’ve been for you, Hugh. I’m glad that the times have changed. People need to be who they are and nothing less. Have a wonderful weekend.
I absolutely agree with you, Kellye.
You too have a wonderful weekend.
I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like for you Hugh! I am so grateful that it’s a different time now for my kids. I have 3 of 4 that are rainbow babies and I am glad they are able to be who they are. Of course they still have some negativity come their way, but I like your parents had some intuitive sense of who they we’re going to be so as they grew, I reminded them that they were exactly who they were meant to be and I taught them to own themselves regardless of what others thought or felt. They’re pretty strong that’s for sure!
Your words to your kids are so encouraging, Meredith. Unfortunately, although my mother knew I was gay, my father could not accept it when I cam out. He cut himself off from me for over 30 years. My parents were divorced by the time, but I’m please to say that he finally cam around to the situation and I saw him many times before he passed away in 2020.
I have a nephew and niece who are both gay. Both in their early 20s now, my nephew had no problem coming out to his parents. But it was not so easy for my niece.
Hugh, I have such love and respect for those who had to take great risks to create a more open loving world for the rest of us. In high school, I had several gay friends and had this fierce need to protect them. I didn’t understand bi-sexuality until much later, but by the time my kids were teenagers, they had a better understanding of different gender and sexual orientations than I had. I have friends in their 50s and 60s just now coming out of that closet. We are evolving. Yet, we need the door openers to light the way out of the closet.
Thank you, Charli. I hope posts like this one can go some way in helping those who are thinking about ‘coming out’ or who have had bad reactions and experiences when ‘coming out.’ For many, current times make it easy to inform family, friends and the world of your sexual orientation, but there is still lots to do. It’s one of the reasons why I’ll be writing a lot more about what it was like to live as a gay man 40 -50 years ago, right now to present times. It’s so good to hear how protective you were towards your gay friends all those years ago. From my own personal experience, I know just how hard it was living as a gay person. Sometimes, it was a very big lonely world. I was always looking for friends who would protect me from those who didn’t understand.
Loved it! I’m so happy to meet you! I am a panromantic asexual demigirl!
Thank you. Good to meet you too. Welcome to Hugh’s Views And News.
Thank you for this although my “moment” wasn’t this easy I really did enjoy reading this!!
Thank you, Denzel. I’m sorry it wasn’t so easy for you when coming out. However, I hope you’re doing okay and are surrounded by some supportive friends.
I am I have a very good support group now that I love dearly
I’m really pleased to hear about it.
I love this story, Hugh!
Thanks, Susie. I’m so pleased I wrote and published it on my blog. It’s a day in my life I will remember for as long as my ‘best date’ allows.
Yes!
I absolutely loved reading this, it was like going back in time! Great attention to detail.
Thank you.
Great story, Hugh. I’m still teaching preschool, and I can sense if a child is gay, even at the age of 3 or 4. One little girl and I had bonded. She always called me Best Buddy. When she became a man in college, I was there to support her. Know what he said? “Thanks, Best Buddy.”
That’s a lovely story, Jennie. Thank you for sharing it with us.
My pleasure, Hugh.
Really powerful post! Interesting to hear about how closeted kids got their slice of gay culture before the internet – though your heart-wrench moment reminds me of when I found my (female, straight) cousin’s box set of Queer as Folk when I was over at hers!
Thanks, Liam. Times have certainly changed since the time of this memory, but I still hear heartbreaking stories of people coming out and being terrified of what family and friends will think.
I really enjoyed reading your post!
I’ve always wanted to do a write up on LGBT and homophobia I guess this gave me an idea. Keep up the amazing work. Also check out my post. I am new here
Thank you. I hope you’ll write that post.
We definitely will 😁