What? I almost married Lara Croft? OK, I don’t mean, ‘the’, Lara Croft, do I, just somebody else with the same name as her?
Well, no, I mean the most famous Lara Croft there has ever been; she is a full-time tomb raider; she has the body most men desire, and most women envy.
Our relationship started back in August 1997 when a friend of mine loaned me a copy of “Tomb Raider” for the Sony PlayStation 1. I’d had the Playstation for some months but was already getting bored with it, that is until my friend introduced me to Lara Croft.
From the moment I inserted the game disc into the PlayStation and pressed the play button, I’d fallen in love with the one and only woman who would ever pull at my heartstrings.
I would spend countless evenings, nights, and weekends with Lara. It even got to the point that I would no longer go out on a Saturday night. Instead, I would spend the evening at home with Lara while my friends danced the night away, having fun, socialising, meeting new people, enjoying each others company, while I only had eyes for Lara.
She’d take me too far off places around the world, Peru, Mongolia, Egypt, India, to name but a few. She’d protect me from killer bats, bears, lions and weird monsters I never knew existed. I followed her everywhere and ensured nothing horrible happened to her while on our travels.
I even remember that Saturday afternoon I sat down with her at 5:15 and, before we knew it, the clock told us it was 4.05 Sunday morning. But it didn’t matter then as we were both in love with each other and saw each other every day.
The day we got engaged was beautiful. By now, I knew I had met the perfect woman, and I was pretty sure that Lara felt the same way about me. Why wouldn’t she? After all, I’d spend all my free time with her, and I’d even told my work colleagues about her. I know some of them envied me for having caught myself one of the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world, but others were happy for me and wanted to hear more of the adventures Lara and I were having.
I begged Lara to let me buy her an engagement ring, but she had none of it. Well, not at that moment anyway, as she had dangerous work to do and would never forgive herself if she lost the ring while working. She promised me I could buy her an engagement ring just as soon as she had solved the mystery she was working on. But that day never came, and it wasn’t long after when things started to go downhill, and our Wedding day kept getting further and further away.
I’d gone everywhere with her on her first two adventures. While she worked at solving mysteries and puzzles, I earned the money that would pay for our wedding and first home together. We both knew that nothing could part us when she started her third adventure, but how wrong we would be. I’ll be honest and say that her experiences were getting too difficult for me. But that was because I’d started going out again, socialising, meeting friends, having a real laugh, enjoying the actual world around me, catching up on gossip, TV and the movies. Meanwhile, Lara continued her adventures without me, not ever wanting to come with me.
“Most of your friends don’t like me”, she’d told me the day it all went pear-shaped, and I’d realised that she was right. I also learned that Lara had put quite a big gap between my friends and me and that I was almost losing them and my life! Not only that, but she’d also put a strain on another relationship, the most important one, the one I’d had since 1993 and, to this day, is stronger than ever. Would John ever forgive me?
I finally put an end to my relationship with Lara and called off the wedding. I thought she’d be distraught, especially when I told her I was also selling my Playstation. But, she simply walked away with the man who had purchased the PlayStation from me, and I never heard from her again.
Do I have any regrets about what happened? No. I’m just happy that I found my life again and have never been tempted to contact Lara…Ever!
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109 thoughts on “The Day I Almost Married Lara Croft”
Such a beautiful way you wrote about your crush Lara Croft, and your obsession with the video game. Those games can certainly get addictive, especially when you really want to solve that hard puzzle or figure out how to get to the next checkpoint. You were right to let go of Lara and I’m sure she is very happy with whomever she is with now 😉
Growing up, I loved playing Super Mario. I thought Mario was rather handsome, though short and stout in demeanour. He did have a quirky personality, always looking to collect gold coins wherever he went. Money minded, dear me 🙂
Thanks Mabel. I can’t believe how addictive I got with Lara Croft. She certainly had me under her spell. What I enjoyed most of all was helping her solve the puzzles she encountered on her journey. I must admit and say that on occasions I did have to get some help from the internet but at least that meant she was safe and could carry on with her adventure.
It was tough letting her go but at least I’ve never looked back since that day. Mario was great fun but Lara never allowed him much time on my game console.
Sounds like you took good care of Lara, Hugh. Hope she managed to get to where she had to be and live happily ever after – even if it’s in another’s arms. I’m sure she still has a special place in your heart today, just like Mario does in mine.
Last I heard, Lara was bringing out a brand new game. I’ve not been invited to the launch but I’m not too concerned, Mabel. We sometimes have to let go of the past to embrace the future 🙂
I hope Mario still sends you roses and a card on Valentine’s Day. He’d be a fool not to do that. 😍
Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.
Thanks for the reblog, Viv.
Hugh, being a nerd and geek, this was a fun read, excellent post. I, however, don’t think I could have parted with the console.
Thank you so much Michael. I hope Lara doesn’t come knocking on your door asking you to help in in her quest to raid tombs. She’s very addictive.
Your welcome Hugh! She did knock on my door one late afternoon in the summer of 2014 with those majestic eyes.
I hope you sent her on her way. 😉
Very clever post, Hugh, and I don’t say this to upset you, but you were right to get shut of her – she was making eyes at my boyfriend back in the nineties and it became somewhat of an obsession – fickle that one 😉
Phew, thank goodness I was not the only one. I hope your boyfriend saw the light and knew exactly what Lara was up to and got away quickly. I had a lucky escape 🙂
Lol – he saw the light…the last time we saw her she was walking away with his friend! 😀
Oh crumbs! I hope his friend is Okay?
Ha! Last I saw of him he was shut of Lara too 😉
Hugh, she was a beast. Good you kicked her to the curb. She’s lording it over some other man now. She never cared for you!
Well, she did iron my socks once, Linda. Maybe you are right and she did’t care about me that much. 🙂
And I bet John was so very relieved the day Lara went off with someone else and he got you back! These games are definitely addictive, I saw this in my kids when they were younger with their Playstations and Nintendos. Although funnily enough, having just visited with the boys this past weekend, we were talking about the time when I got addicted to Super Mario and how one time my son said ‘but Mom, it’s time for me to go to bed’ and I kept saying ‘just one more game, it’s fine!’ And I was a stickler to keeping to their bedtime! Like you, I soon came to my senses. Great story Hugh…I just hope the next poor guy came to his senses too 😉
I think he was, Sherri, and now he has blogging to contend with 🙂
That’s so funny how you reversed the role with the kids and let them stay up longer because of Mario. And there they were wanting to go to bed 🙂 Nice story, Sherri, which shows just how anyone can get addicted to these games. I left Lara behind many years ago now, but I hear she is still on the scene. If you see her when out and about and she asks after me, please tell her that I’m happily married now.
Haha…well Hugh, that’s a whole other story isn’t it? 😉
Yes, the kids love to tease me about the time when I was ‘obsessed with Mario’. Glad you enjoyed that little story Hugh 🙂 And I will certainly pass on the message to Lara if I ever do see her; I’m sure she’ll be very happy for you… 🙂
Really enjoyed this Hugh. Took me back to my early playstation days with Ratchet & Clank (I still love them both), however, I too left them behind – in my case due to motion sickness – when the games started getting too physically fast for me. Glad you found your happy ending in reality.
So am I, Claudette. I’m not sure that Lara has found her happy ending yet. I no longer own a PlayStation and, thank goodness, I’ve never been tempted to go back to video gaming (other than the odd silly game on my iPhone).
Oh wow! You totally reminded me of when I was addicted to Legend of Zelda! I didn’t fall for Link though. At that point in time he barely resembled a human- nothing like Lara’s curves. 🙂
Glad you managed to escape his clutches. Kat. Lara still knocks on my door from time to time.