The Day I Almost Married Lara Croft

What? I almost married Lara Croft? OK, I don’t mean ‘the’ Lara Croft, do I, just somebody else with the same name as her?

Well, no, I mean the most famous Lara Croft there has ever been. She is a full- has the body most men desire and most women envy.time tomb raider and

Our relationship started in August 1997 when a friend loaned me a copy of “Tomb Raider” for the Sony PlayStation 1. I’d had the PlayStation for some months but was already bored until my friend introduced me to Lara Croft.

When I inserted the game disc into the PlayStation and pressed the play button, I fell in love with the only woman who would ever pull at my heartstrings.

I would spend countless evenings, nights, and weekends with Lara. It even got to the point that I would no longer go out on a Saturday night. Instead, I would spend the evening at home with Lara while my friends danced the night away, having fun, socialising, meeting new people, and enjoying each other’s company, while I only had eyes for Lara.

She’d take me to far-off places worldwide, Peru, Mongolia, Egypt, and India, to name a few. She’d protect me from killer bats, bears, lions and weird monsters I never knew existed. I followed her everywhere and ensured nothing horrible happened to her while on our travels.

I even remember that Saturday afternoon, I sat down with her at 5:15, and before we knew it, the clock told us it was 4.05 Sunday morning. But it didn’t matter then, as we were both in love and saw each other daily.

The day we got engaged was beautiful. By now, I knew I had met the perfect woman, and I was sure that Lara felt the same way about me. Why wouldn’t she? After all, I’d spend all my free time with her and tell my work colleagues about her. I know some of them envied me for having caught myself one of the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world, but others were happy for me and wanted to hear more about the adventures Lara and I were having.

I begged Lara to let me buy her an engagement ring, but she was having none of it. Well, not at that moment anyway, as she had dangerous work and would never forgive herself if she lost the ring while working. She promised me I could buy her an engagement ring just as soon as she had solved the mystery she was working on. But that day never came, and it wasn’t long after that when things started to go downhill, and our wedding day kept getting further and further away.

I’d gone everywhere with her on her first two adventures. While she worked at solving mysteries and puzzles, I earned the money that would pay for our wedding and first home together. We both knew that nothing could part us when she started her third adventure, but how wrong we would be. I’ll be honest and say that her experiences were getting too difficult for me. But that was because I’d started going out again, socialising, meeting friends, having a real laugh, enjoying the world around me, catching up on gossip, TV and the movies. Meanwhile, Lara continued her adventures without me, never wanting to accompany me.

“Most of your friends don’t like me”, she’d told me the day it all went pear-shaped, and I’d realised she was right. I also learned that Lara had put quite a big gap between my friends and me and that I was almost losing them and my life! Not only that, but she’d also put a strain on another relationship, the most important one, the one I’d had since 1993 and, to this day, is stronger than ever. Would my partner ever forgive me?

I finally ended my relationship with Lara and called off the wedding. I thought she’d be distraught, especially when I told her I was also selling my PlayStation. But she simply walked away with the man who had purchased the PlayStation from me, and I never heard from her again.

Do I have any regrets about what happened? No. I’m happy I found my life again and have never been tempted to contact Lara…Ever!

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109 responses to “The Day I Almost Married Lara Croft”

  1. Graeme Cumming avatar

    Had me hooked from the beginning, Hugh. Your tale, that is, not Lara. I did have a brief spell in the early nineties playing Prince of Persia, and realised how addictive it could become, so I’ve steered clear of computer games ever since. I want a life, and clearly so do you!

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Yes, indeed, Graeme. It’s surprising what can draw you in and hold you tight. Then you suddenly see what is exactly going on and take notice of what people and friends are saying to who.

  2. Helen Jones avatar

    Sounds as though you had a lucky escape, Hugh ;-)

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Yes, and I left the escape route map in the Video Games store. However, judging by how busy it is, I don’t think anyone found it. :) At least I have a few more pounds in my wallet now.

  3. Stacey avatar
    Stacey

    Oh, this post made me smile. And I really needed that today.

    It also reminded me of the time when Lara brought me and my dad closer together. We’d spend hours together, him playing, me watching (and occasionally reading a walkthrough if things got particularly tricky!) She also probably started my love/obsession with strong, female characters and gaming – things I still spend far too much time on to this day.

    In a fit of nostalgia I’ve even bough the TombRaider anniversary pack for my PS3. Which probably explains why I never do enough blogging.

    Thanks for cheering me up!

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Well I’m glad she has her good points as well, Stacey. That’s a lovely story about her bringing you and your dad closer. I must admit and also say that I also needed the occasional help from the walkthrough. She had to have me there sometimes to help with some of those tough puzzles.

      I’m very happy to hear that my story about Lara helped cheer you up. Wishing you great day ahead.

  4. Hugh's Views and News avatar

    Not quite, Debby. However, if it had been Gerard Butler playing the role then I may have been :)

  5. Colin Noel-Johnson avatar

    Did you know she’s back in Relic Run? It’s a fun game, plays on your phone and best of all, it’s free!

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Please don’t tell her you know me through this blog, Colin. I can’t bear the thought of encountering the lovely lady again. Have fun with the game.

      1. Colin Noel-Johnson avatar

        I won’t tell her where you are, don’t worry, we’ll be too busy searching for relics to talk much!

  6. jjspina avatar

    Happy to hear you got out in time from that relationship. You deserve better. Blessings & hugs!

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Thank you very much :)

      Common sense won in the end. I don’t miss Lara at all.

  7. noelleg44 avatar

    Glad you saw the light, Hugh. Too many young men never do and I worry about their mental health. As my mother used to say, there are a lot of pebbles on the beach. Glad you put that pebble down!

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      So am I, Noelle, although it was rather a nice pebble at the time. The last time I saw her she was being washed away by the tide.

  8. Carol avatar

    A lucky escape Hugh, she definitely wouldn’t have had your slippers warming by the fire for when you arrived home after a hard days work :)

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Problem was she was always away, Carol. When she was at home all she did was go to the gym and iron my socks :)

  9. Aimer Boyz avatar
    Aimer Boyz

    LOL! I’ve never been good enough at a game to become obsessed. Although, a few years back there was a brief flirtation with Farmville. I had to quit Candy Crush because of severe frustration and zero skill. I dallied with a Vampire game but never made it out of the castle. Now, I date a little Disney puzzle called Maleficent Free Fall. Strictly a no-strings kind of thing.
    Sorry PlayStation cut into your real life but, damn, really impressed that you got that good at it :)

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      I wouldn’t say I was very good at the game but I did complete her first game and was half way through the second adventure with her when I saw just what she was doing to me. I did move on to some other games but they never hooked me as much as Lara did. Then came blogging and…well…you know, that feeling like you’ve been here before?

      1. Aimer Boyz avatar
        Aimer Boyz

        Oh, no :)

  10. jan avatar

    You have a thing for the dangerous gals, hey? Thank goodness you saw the light!

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Yes, I was very lucky. She was very dangerous with those pistols in her hands and forever pointing them all over the place.

  11. Chris Warren avatar

    There are still geeks in the world who need to get a divorce and get a life!

    Very nice, Hugh

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      I guess so, Chris. Since leaving Lara I have not come across many of them (thank goodness).

  12. TanGental avatar

    I believe she comes from a titled background and I worry that ermine wouldn’t have suited you. You probably made the right choice overall.

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      I’m glad you think so. Besides, I’m not into dressing up in my Black Tie every time we were to have dinner at home.

      1. TanGental avatar

        This is true. Wearing evening dress every night is a chore.

        1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

          I look forward to seeing your daywear on the 18th :)

          1. TanGental avatar

            Could be a shock, though the current Mrs Le Pard has me pretty well tamed

  13. John W. Howell avatar

    great story. I once had a crush on a guitar player on Guitar Hero. I played so much there was no expert status I couldn’t achieve. I had the same end as you. I think it was a base player who won her over. I really don’t know since I put the game in the closet.

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      I’m guessing that she has now become Mrs Base Player? Just ensure you keep her in the closet, John. If she sees you back on stage with her then you may well fall into her spell again, only this time with the added problem of that Bass player giving you some dirty looks.

      1. John W. Howell avatar

        The base player is another story. She looks pretty tough.

        1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

          Oops! That’s me not looking before I leap! :)

  14. The Indecisive Eejit avatar

    I so get this, until I was introduced to Lara I had a Sega Master System. Whilst in my friends house one night he asked me to help him through a level and I was hooked. He leant me his PS1 that Christmas and hardley anyone saw me, not long after I would buy a PS1 of my own. It’s one of the few games I took days off work for lol
    I no longer have a PS1, my PS2 is bundled away, but I still have all the Tomb Raider games, the whole set. They says tho Lara is a little more robust because thankfully I still meet her from time to time on the Xbox one, she speaks of you fondly. :)

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Oh my, please don’t tell Lara where I am. Every time the doorbell goes I think it’s her. I don’t think I could bear breaking the bad news to her that I am no longer hers. I dread to think what she would do (to me).

      Good to hear you’re longer hooked to games consoles. Keep up the brilliant work Jules, and continue to enjoy life outside of the gaming world.

  15. D. Wallace Peach avatar

    Fantastic post. I love it. I can so relate too, not to the falling in love with video game people, but book people, especially those I create. They are absolutely real, if not in the flesh, as least energetically. They have the potential to change us, ruin our lives, or make us better more mindful people.

    1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

      Thank you Diana, and I agree with what you say. I think TV and Movie characters can also have that affect on us. The problem is how and when we make it stop. Usually it’s common sense that wins out, but I have seen this kind of stuff ruin people’s lives.

      1. D. Wallace Peach avatar

        Fortunately, we can’t stalk book characters and the books do end eventually. The safest form of character obsession perhaps.

        1. Hugh's Views and News avatar

          Yes, pretty much like Lara and video game characters (or so I thought). ;)

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