I probably talk or think about death more often than others.
I don’t talk about sex as much as I do death, but is that a problem when entering the autumn years of your life?
Many people I know don’t like talking about death. Do you? Many don’t enjoy discussing sex but is it easier to talk about than death?
Is it odd or natural to think and talk about death and sex simultaneously? You tell me.
Once upon a time, sex was a subject people didn’t like talking about. I’m going back to my early years here when sex was a hush-hush subject, almost taboo.
There was little information available about sex while I was growing up. The reaction I once got from my elders when I asked, ‘where do babies come from because I know the stork doesn’t bring them?‘ was like watching the faces of those watching the gory scene in a horror movie. ‘Is it something about a man and a woman solving a puzzle?‘ I went on to ask.
When I asked those questions, I got looks of shock, horror and embarrassment. My grandmother walked out of the room while my mother and father tried to change the subject quickly.
Lockdown talk
During the lockdown, my partner and I talked about death. But it was only while updating our wills. We couldn’t get past the point where we would talk about our deaths and what we wanted to happen when that time came. ‘We’ll talk about that another day,’ I told myself, yet death can come to any of us anytime. Can you imagine the problems we cause by not talking to each other about death?
Although nobody likes talking about death, we read, write and watch it happening in books, on television, in theatres and cinemas. It seems natural when reading, writing or watching it, but when talking about our deaths or the death of somebody we know, there comes the point where I hope somebody else will take the lead, and the subject will quickly change.
Why am I talking about death?
I have written about death here, but the truth is that what I call the otherside of death (where the person dying is not me) is approaching; it becomes a subject we can’t avoid. I have an aunt who is nearing the end of her life.
At 95 years old, some say my aunt has had an excellent innings. She loved life, but she wouldn’t like the life she is now living. I think I followed her for the love she had for life. However, she has spent what is left of her life in a hospital bed for the last three months. Her final words to me before she went into a deep sleep were, ‘I want to go home.’
I can relate to how she feels. Whenever I have been ill and not at home, I’ve always wanted to go home. If we allow it, being in familiar surroundings can help. Well, it always works for me. But does it help when nearing our final days?
As she faded in and out of consciousness, my aunt reacted to some voices in her hospital room yet ignored others. I wondered if she could choose which voices she wanted to respond to and which she chose to ignore? Does she have any control over what she hears while her life slips away?
Why do some people die quicker than others?
Truth be known, I wouldn’t say I like watching my aunt’s death being so drawn-out. The family all agree that she’d hate to be at the point she is – having to live the drawing out of the last days of her life in a deep sleep in a hospital bed. ‘There’s nothing else we can do for her except keep her comfortable,’ the medical staff tell us. ‘But keep talking to her because hearing is the last sense to go.‘
Really? Is hearing the last thing the dying sense? How can they possibly know? Have some of these staff lived previous lives, or has somebody who has left this world told them that’s what happens? It seems odd to say. I can not work out how they know.
When my father died in October 2020, his death was swift. He died within 24 hours of being taken ill. There were no weeks of being unconscious in a hospital bed. Yet when my mother died in September 2015, she took many weeks to die after we were told there was nothing else they could do. Why do some people die quickly, yet others seem to take weeks, months or years to pass?
Are those who have long-drawn-out deaths having to pay for what they may have done during their lives, or is there something or someone who has overall control over how long it takes for us to die? Do some linger because there is some unsettled business to attend to, or do we have no power over how long it takes to take that final breath?
Where do we go just before we die?
Years ago, I believed there was a waiting room we entered when dying. We sat there waiting for our name to be called before going through another door that took us on our next journey. Some remained longer in that waiting room than others. But while we wait, we are occasionally permitted to briefly go back through the first door to check what is happening in the world we are leaving. Perhaps we’re not quite ready to go because we’re waiting for somebody to come and say goodbye?
I’ve often asked myself why my mother took so long to pass away. Did she not want to go, or was she told she had to wait her turn? In life, we queue. Do we have to queue to die?
When we die, are we leaving behind those still alive, or do the living leave us behind?
I probably talk or think about death more often than others. Many people I know don’t like talking about it. How often do you talk about death?
Perhaps I should have talked more about sex? But would anyone have wanted to discuss it with me?
What are your thoughts on why we dislike discussing death or sex?
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I think death is such a natural part of life there should be more conversations about it. Culture and family dynamics definately play a part how/when or if most people would talk. Also I think society’s idea is mostly pointed to youthfulness and shuns elderly and aged so folks are not ready when death comes.
As to conversations about sex, again society, religion, family, culture play a huge factor in this. Being a gay man myself, there culture never talks about it but will quickly say “be safe”! There was not a family talk, a faith talk, a father/son talk.
Thanks for your thoughts on these subjects, Robert.
I agree that culture and faith play significant parts in what discussions take place at home. I hope one day, all cultures will talk openly about same-sex relationships and accept them as part of the world.
Call me a prude, but there is still something about sex talk that makes me uncomfortable – especially from strangers.
I used to follow a blog, but he changed his niche to talk about sex, and I unfollowed him, I guess because I lost interest in being so explicit about something so private, but also because I didn’t want someone looking over my shoulder seeing a blog post titled “A**l sex: Great or a pain in the butt?” from my WordPress reader! (see that’s an example of how reserved I am that I can’t even write the word!)
I’m probably a rarity but even my close male friends don’t talk about sex – they don’t brag about, talk about having it, or even express desires making sexual comments about attractive people!
My wife often comes home from work sharing explicit details of her colleagues sex lives – I’ve said if she ever goes into such detail about ours, I’d divorce her! 😂
Regarding death, I’m more open to talking about it, and accepting of it, which perhaps makes me a bit too remorseful if I feel like I’m wasting time, and wasting my limited life away.
Although saying that my wife and I have discussed getting a will for a while, yet kept putting it off, perhaps it’s our age (late thirties) where we don’t want to think the worst could happen sooner than we think, but it’s probably something we should pursue, at least for the security of our kids.
I’ve heard the “hearing is the last thing to go” as well Hugh, and I had the same thought as you. Before my grandad died, he fell into a vegitative state for 24 hours – it was hard seeing him like that, but I just said thanks to him for everything he had done and giving me the opportunity at life.
It was only when leaving, assuming the hearing thing is true I wondered if I’d actually talked loud enough or if I was just muttering, and would he have heard this death bed profession of love!
Thanks for joining the discussion, James.
It’s interesting what you say that your mates do not discuss the subject of sex but that your wife comes home with tales of what goes on behind the bedroom door of some of her work colleagues.
When working, I’d often go on nights out with my male work colleagues, and I’d be shocked at some of the disgusting comments about sex they’d direct at women. I often just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me when I heard some of what they said. Of course, it was usually too much alcohol that was the problem, but some of them would tell me about affairs they were having and what went on behind hotel bedroom doors. When I asked why they were telling me, they’d reply because I was gay and, therefore, would not tell anyone. That’s always been a mystery to me.
In my early teens, I remember how my mates would brag about who they had slept with and who they wanted to sleep with. I never knew if what they were saying was true.
Even at a young age, I’d recommend you and your wife do wills. Having lived through the awful experience of my mother and stepfather not having wills, I saw a horrible side to my family when my mother passed away. It’s something I’d not want to wish on anyone.
Unless I see or hear proof that hearing is the last sense to go as somebody passes away, the jury is out on that subject. However, I have no problem with people feeling comfortable that it’s what actually happens. After all, I took what the medical staff looking after my aunt said and continue to talk to her when I visit her.
Wow, where to start, Hugh? I could write volumes on death, but since I’m tapping letters into my phone I will be brief. Both topics are worth talking about.
Death is a difficult topic because we know little about it. You mentioned your father’s quick passage into eternity and your mother’s slower one. We’ll never really know the why, but I can tell you I sat with my mom on her last two days and witnessed her reaching out to her grandfather and calling his name in her semi conscious state. Like one foot here and one in eternity. As I talked to her a little later, she suddenly opened her eyes, looked right at me and told me she loved me…”Terri, I love you.” That was a gift from God and closure I needed to move on.
When she passed away at 3am two days later, I was back at home but I felt her pass. I had woken up to use the bathroom I said out loud to myself that I can’t feel her anymore. At 6:30 that morning, my brother called to say she had passed at that very time.
So much for brief 🙄 An intriguing set of topics and this post will keep you busy with comments, Hugh. Enjoy the rest of your week!
I wonder if knowing how death occurs, what it can look like, and what happens when we witness it in person, we know all that there is to know about it, Terri? Of course, there is what if anything happens after death, but we will never know unless we come back and remember what happened. Some claim to have done so, but I’ve never heard the same version of what happenes, although walking towards a bright light seems to be the popular take.
I was also with my mother when she passed, but she never spoke during the last week of her life. However, shortly before she passed, she opened her eyes, looked up at me and smiled. She died of senile dementia and didn’t know who I was for the last few years of her life. However, I had an overwhelming sense that she knew who I was at that moment.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for also joining the discussion.
I would wager your mom knew exactly who you were at that moment , Hugh. How wonderful!
I’m not particularly uncomfortable with either subject, although sex is way more fun to discuss than death.
I’ve been present at the deaths of all 4 grandparents and my dad. The men spent the least time suffering. My dad unexpectedly died and the entire process (for him) lasted about 10 minutes. His father was about 48 hours. My maternal grandfather was about 10 days. My two grandmothers suffered for months. I would hypothesize that any difference – if it does exist as my experience is purely anecdotal – has something to do with the biology of gender. What I have learned with these experiences is that losing someone just sucks. There is no philosophical perspective that makes it more palatable – and I’ve tried out many of the non-religious ones.
As for sex, it’s a very enjoyable biological function. :D
Michelle
I wonder if that is true about men taking less time to die than women, Michelle? I’ve never thought about it like that, but I know that my grandmother from my mother’s side also had a long-drawn-out death, whereas my grandfather had a quick death. My aunt’s husband (my uncle) died a few years ago, and his death lasted a couple of days, but nothing like the length of time it is taking my aunt to pass.
Thanks for chipping in about sex, too. I’ve not had much to discuss on that subject, so your one-line comment on it was welcomed.
I would probably be more comfortable talking about death than sex, how strange. Maybe as I’m a nurse and see death more than others…
That’s a good point with being a nurse, Wayne. My nephew is also a nurse and has no problem discussing death.
Sex on the other hand…I still get embarrassed. No idea why.
Perhaps because it’s such a personal thing? But then again, so is buying a pair of shoes or a shirt.
Hmmm yeah maybe 🤣
I think society has a more challenging time dealing with death than sex. I’ve been volunteering in an assisted living facility, reading to some of the residents for the past few months. Some of them have seemingly no one who comes to visit them. The treatment of the elderly in our society is shameful.
I saw the same thing when my mother was in a care home, Pete. Some residents had to rely on charity donations for clothes, as nobody came to visit them. I’d always make a point of talking to them when I visited my mother.
I think about death a lot. I can’t imagine ever being ready for the lights to go out, for me to stop existing. It’s inevitable, of course, and natural, but I hate it.
Lingering deaths are hard on family and friends, and I’m sure you’re right about your aunt not wanting her life to end this way, not that we have much choice in the matter. Your experience reminds me of a comment my mother’s doctor made when delivering her stage 4 cancer diagnosis, “You heart is good, unfortunately.”
Yes, the thought of dying and not living the life I love is horrible for me, too, Aimer. But I live in the hope that there is something just as good on the other page.
I can only believe my aunt’s heart is strong, given how long she has lasted without liquids and food. I can’t imagine why she is fighting (if she is), but maybe she has to wait her turn? In any case, I know she’d hate having to stay the way she is.
I wish your aunt, and your family, a peaceful end to her journey :)
You raise lots of interesting points, yes I always wonder how anyone knows they can still hear. My daughter is convinced my husband died the one night nobody else in the family could be there with me. When he was still with it he said I better get ready to let him go as he didn’t think he was long for this world. He didn’t seem at all worried! It happened when the night nurse, who I had never met, had only arrived half an hour before and she told me to keep talking, I couldn’t think what to say with a stranger hovering at my shoulder so I rather hope he couldn’t hear. When he died it was just like he had switched himself off and I thought how clever he was.
Your daughter’s take on your husband’s death is interesting, Janet. Maybe he did not want a fuss or many people standing around his bed while he passed? It’s an interesting thought that we could have some control over our deaths.
I’ve sat at my aunt’s hospital bed and talked to her while medical staff are in the room. It’s tough, isn’t it, knowing what to say when other people are in the room? It takes me back to my mother’s death when my sister could not make it in time to get to see her. I rang my sister and put my mobile phone on my mother’s pillow while my sister said her goodbyes to her. Shortly after, my mother passed away.
Thank you for joining the discussion.
I think about death a lot too, Hugh. I’ve even had a near death experience. I think it’s a transition like anything else. It’s best to be prepared and accepting. When my mother passed away (also in 2020) I played music from her youth and read her poems. Sex? What’s that? I’m way too old to even remember!
Have you written about your near-death experience, Jan? It’s something I’d be interested in knowing more about.
I could try – it was a feeling of great comfort. As if crossing the finish line after a long race and being greeted by loved ones.
What a lovely way to sum life up. If that is what happens, I’m looking forward to it.
Sex was always going to be taboo, given my culture, however my brother lives life on a different plane, so where I would be embarrassed, he would go full tilt, once he was a teenager, even asking Pops if mum and him still did ‘it’! 🙈 (answer was “We are human, you know!” Classic Pops!) And asking whether my.woukd prefer his style of underpants for Pops, as they were more easy access! 😳
As a result, I try to be more open with my two. It only helps. Sex itself isn’t taboo, and if we normal use certain elements of conversation, it becomes less of a thing to do asap… If you know what I mean.
As for death, we seem to be good at talking about it in my family. Mine is a huge family so birtgs, marriages and deaths occur with great frequency.
Pops has a great philosophy on death, and is very accepting, whereas mum.and I are more emotional. Still, we talk, because death and taxes… Well, we all know both are inevitable.
It’s Mum’s favourite phrase recently… “I’m not being morbid, but…” As she wants to discuss what might happen when her time comes.
It’s hard, but both subjects need an element of normalisation to happen, but both are emotional topics.
😊
I hope you don’t mind me saying this, Ritu, but your brother reminds me of the stereotyping many straight men have about sex. It’s probably a subject I hear them talk about a lot more when I have been in their company, so perhaps they don’t mind talking and discussing it as much as the rest of us do.
I’m glad you’re open with your children about sex, although I know many children find talking about the issue embarrassing when it comes to talking about it with their parents. I don’t remember any talk from my parents about sex education. In my days, it seemed more about finding out for yourselves. There was some sex education in my later years at school, but nothing about same-sex relationships. Again, that was more about having to find out for yourself.
As we grow older, death becomes much more evident and affects us personally. I say to my partner, ‘we know how much death affects us by the number of Christmas cards we have to buy every year.’ Of course, the number we buy dwindles every year.
Thank you for adding your thoughts and for joining the discussion.
Hugh, it seems as though I am surrounded by death and dying lately. My younger brother died in March. It was sudden, (aneurism) but his wife knew exactly what he wanted. She held a beautiful celebration of life that he would have loved. Lots of laughter and sweet tears.
My husband and daughter know exactly what I want and what I would never want, which is to be lingering in a hospital bed. My heart goes out to your aunt and her situation.
I have a friend who has ‘nursed’ her husband at home for nearly two years. He will never get better and has been on the verge of death a few times, but she keeps thanking the Lord for his continued presence on this earth. I attribute it mostly to her religious beliefs, and marriage vows. I don’t think she has once considered what he might want. Not saying that as judgment, just out of sadness for him.
Sex, not going there.
I’m sorry to hear of the passing of your brother, Suzanne, but delighted that his wife knew exactly how he wanted to be remembered. Celebrating one’s life is far more appealing than moaning about somebodies death.
I’m glad you have also spoken with your husband and daughter about what you want. It’s good to hear that people do talk about it rather than brush it under the carpet for a day that will never come. I really need to get my own act together and discuss what I want with my partner. And he must tell me what he wants.
I can’t imagine myself being in the position that my aunt finds herself in. Her love of life surely can not be how she wanted it to end this way. I believe we must think of what the person leaving this world wants rather than what we want for ourselves. I know she’d never have wanted it to end like it is.
Thank you for joining the discussion, even if that was a short line on the other subject I briefly mentioned in this post.
I’m sure this title will draw attention, Hugh. And the conversation in the comments will flow. I guess death and sex are seen as very personal topics. I have no taboos, so I don’t mind talking about them. Do they belong in the same category as politics, religion, income, and toilet visits? I sure know these can be touchy subjects as well.
But, back to your question, I have been thinking about death since I was a child. Very weird and a bit sad, because each time my thoughts venture there, my mood turns foul. While dying is a part of living, I – and probably many people (who don’t believe in a higher power) – have a hard time processing it. I feel by thinking about death so frequently, I am preparing for it mentally.
It is interesting how we are surrounded by death all the time (and I’m devastated when I see a dead animal along the side of the road), but when it happens to strangers, this goes along with no feelings, yet when it happens to our surroundings, especially our loved ones, we are crushed.
Talking about sex does not bring those negative feelings with it, so I’m happier discussing that subject.
It’s interesting what you say about how thinking about death can change your mood, Liesbet. The same thing happens to me when I think negatively about anything. I used to allow horrible (sometimes nasty) comments to do the same thing, but I changed my mindset when I told myself that being online will always bring in those types of comments. However, writing this post about death seems to have helped me prepare for my aunt’s impending death.
Watching or reading about death doesn’t affect me more than witnessing someone in my family or a close friend dying does. Yet, like you, I always feel despondent when I see a dead animal or bird. I guess witnessing it for real is different.
Perhaps I’ll write more about sex in another post as it didn’t get as much limelight as death did in this post.
Thank you for joining the discussion.
Five years ago, our son dropped dead in front of us (he had an AVM rupture). Death was quick, within hours; 27-year-olds are not supposed to drop dead. It has been tough. Maybe it is because he was young, but society doesn’t have a strange relationship with death, it simply sucks. In general, society has no idea how to handle death or even worse, how to relate to the survivors. Most people act like he never existed, and most say the wrong thing. I really enjoy responding to “you need to get over this,” or “he is in a better place,” or “it’s time to move on.” But I digress. Death is something that happens to us, we don’t get to choose if we die or not (suicide is a different topic). Using your waiting room analogy, I feel like you are on to something. Instead of waiting for your turn, could it be more like accepting it is your turn.
I’m very sorry to hear of your son’s death, Danny. I appreciate you joining the discussion, given what happened.
I’m not sure about ‘accepting it is your turn.’ I say that because I know my aunt would not have wanted to have lived her last days as she is currently doing. Which gives me the impression that she has no control over what is happening. I wonder?
Exactly my point, your aunt as with my son, would not have wanted to live out their remaining time is a hospital, under constant care. They “accepted” it was their time, in part because the alternative was far worse. this opposed to waiting their turn….
It did occur to me that my aunt is waiting for something (or someone) before she passes. But does that mean more to her than living these final days as she is?
That, is the question we will find out one day. As I told my son when he was on life support “don’t fight it, your quality of life will be horrible.”
We have a strange relationship with death as a society. It’s broadcast to us at every turn. We can’t help but look at it – in the TV shows and movies we watch, but rarely will we talk about it. I believe it’s a very healthy thing to talk about Hugh. Something we would all do well to talk about more often. The conversation about assisted suicide is a very important one too. Whether someone who is really suffering and simply wants to pass on should be allowed to do so. Not an easy conversation – but the most important ones never are. I meditate on death every morning now. Nothing sobers me up to the present quite as well. Thanks for raising a very important topic Hugh 🙏
Thank you for joining the discussion, AP2.
I agree that we should all talk about death more, especially when it comes to what we want when our time comes. I’ve witnessed so much added heartbreak and despair when someone dies, and nobody knows what they wanted at their funeral. Yet, even I find myself hesitating to talk about what I want. I must change that.
As for my aunt, I know she’d never have wanted to be in the position she now finds herself. As someone who loved life to the full, she’d be so sad to see herself now. Of course, I have no idea if she knows what is happening, but I do know she’d never have wanted such a long-drawn-out exit.
My condolences to you and your family Hugh 🙏
HI Hugh, I would much rather talk about sex than death. Death is too sad of a topic. But when I talk about people I’ve lost it can be healing, especially the good memories and funny ones.
I’m a caregiver to someone I love with all my heart, my husband. He had a stroke a few years ago and the doctors didn’t think he would survive. I couldn’t get my head around that. Thank God my love is here. I will never stop hoping and praying for his full recovery. So even now, death is a very hard thing for me to think about whether it is a person or an animal.
I’m sorry about your aunts health Hugh. And I’m sorry for the loss of your Mom and Dad.
Sheesh, it is much, much easier to talk about sex.
Lea, I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s health. Love is such a wonderful healer.
Although death is a sad subject, I’m always relieved when the talk turns to happy and humorous memories. It’s something I hope there will be plenty of at my funeral.
I think I’d much rather talk about sex too, but there is something about death that always gets my attention. I wonder why it seems so much more of a fascinating subject than sex?
Well Hugh, my guess is we’ve experienced sex but not death? Except for those who died and were revived. We are on this side of it. You know? But they are both interesting topics that’s for sure.
When my Dad passed away, at his memorial service there were people telling funny stories and there were people crying. You want to hear a quick story? After my Dad passed away and before his memorial service I got a call from the funeral home that a man called to talk with me. They wouldn’t give him my phone number of course. I didn’t want to call him back. I wasn’t in the frame of mind for it. However, I wanted to honor my father’s memory and called the gentleman. He asked if I remembered him and I didn’t.
He went on to tell me so many stories about my father all the way back to when he was a little kid. Some were so funny and some were interesting. Many explained the things that he enjoyed as a child and into his adulthood (repairing older cars, boats, etc.) This was such a kind thing for the man to do.
You are right Hugh, love is an amazing healer. While my husband was in the hospital I stayed by his side, never leaving. One of the nurses told met that she had seen people survive against the odds when they were surrounded by love. Other folks who sadly had nobody visiting them, even at the end of their life but had a better prognosis didn’t always make it. She believed love could amazing things. I believe she was right.
Thank you for sharing that story, Lea.
It’s strange how some people who were once a big part of the deceased’s life only become noticeable at funerals. It makes me wonder why the connection was lost. It seems to often be the case for family too. A few years ago, we attended two funerals and met with family we only ever keep in touch with via Christmas cards. Although we both said that we must meet elsewhere rather than at funerals, it still has not happened. Sometimes, the death of someone can bring so many people back together.
Before she was taken ill, my aunt asked me, ‘you will keep in touch with your cousins, won’t you?’ She was concerned I’d lose touch because I’d never visited their homes. She wanted her family to stay in touch and keep seeing each other. I think she saw herself as the glue that held the family together.
Profound.
Discussion about death is more meaningful at any time.
And the thought of death comes to a person as he/she reaches senior citizen status. aging.
But strangely majority hesitate to discuss.
This is because either it’s a taboo(culture based) or the very fear of the thought.
As far as how quickly one dies or how long one suffers before dying….no body knows.
Again none of us know the type/nature of death one likely to undergo.
The subject is too vast.
Hindu philosophy talks of ‘Laws of Karma’ that explains everything.( Law of cause and effect).
The doctrine of Karma is mandatory.
It’s spiritual equivalent of Newton’s law.
Why so and so person has died this way at that particular time….is based on Karma.
None can explain or reason out, one can only assume.
Universe is unbiased.
Love the idea of family talking about death and the proper future plans.
No doubt death ranks among the top 10 things fear for the simple reason it’s an unknown territory.
And finally everyone has to die their own death.
Love your statement
“When we die, are we leaving behind those still alive, or do the living leave us behind?”
Thank you Hugh W Roberts
for this thought provoking post.
You’re welcome; I’m glad you enjoyed reading my post, and thank you for joining the discussion.
I think the fear of death stops many people from wanting to talk about it. It’s the same for those of us witnessing somebody coming to the end of their life.
Yes, it’s true that we don’t know enough about it, but the same could be said for many other things, such as time and space. I know little about them, yet I don’t mind discussing either.
Thanks once again Hugh W Roberts
Death is very strange, that’s for sure. Not easy to talk about, but also not easy to ignore. Humans are kinder to their pets when it comes the time to die. Enough said.
I’ve said the same thing about pets, humans and death when it has come to having to travel on the London Underground during the height of summer. We’d never dream of making animals suffer travelling in extreme heat, yet some humans don’t seem to have any problem travelling with thousands of others in a crowded carriage that is 40C.
Thanks for joining the discussion, Alessandra.
My condolences on your losses.
I think I’m more uncomfortable talking about death than sex. But it depends on who I discuss those topics with!
Yes, it does depend on who we talk to about it, doesn’t it? Yet I can speak to my partner about sex very easily, yet I can’t seem to do the same about death. It’s rather odd but shouldn’t be.
I think both subjects are deeply personal, and we don’t talk about them because we don’t want our beliefs shaken.
Thanks, Dan. Yes, I agree about them being personal, but how do we make loved ones aware of what we want if we don’t discuss the details? I need to sit down with my partner and discuss what we want at our funerals; otherwise, we’ll never know. I dislike the thought of leaving it up to someone to have to guess.
I think close, between partners, is fine but perhaps far enough. That way, the other person feels an obligation to get it right. If you add others, it gets dicey (in my mind).
It reminds me of the saying, ‘Too many chefs spoil the. Broth,’ Dan.
Exactly.
Firstly, Hugh, sorry. Not nice. I’m at one of my best friend’s funeral tomorrow.
And I for one talk and think about Death far too much, it fills my writing. I’m still hoping to dodge it, you see. I’m not sure I’ll manage it, though.
Funerals are one of the places where death is discussed a lot, Richard. Although I have also witnessed many discussions about the decease’s life, sometimes with a hint of laughter thrown in. In fact, when it comes to my funeral, I hope there is lots of celebration and laughter.
I’m sorry about the loss of your friend. I hope ‘writing’ helps. It certainly helped me when writing this post, even though death hasn’t come to my aunt yet. Won’t be long before it arrives, though.
Thanks, Hugh, and again I’m very sorry. Tomorrow is a modern affair where we’re supposed to go dressed as Star Wars characters. I won’t be.
Was that what your friend requested for his/her funeral, Richard? I’ve been to funerals where the deceased requested that nobody wears black and that bright colours were requested. Bright colours are something I like the thought of. And the difference between the funerals of today and those from many years ago is getting broader and wider. I remember well how only the men folk went to a burial. I hope all goes well tomorrow for you.
Yes. He was a Star Wars and Lego nut. :)