Be careful when taking toys, that have the ability to communicate, from a child.
Are the unexpected calls from a missing wife and mother on a child’s toy phone for real?
My latest short story, ‘Puddles’, is this month’s featured story over on the blog of Marsha Ingrao in her ‘Story Chat‘ feature.
Can you solve the mystery of a missing husband and father who believes his 8-year-old daughter is blackmailing him?
Click on the image and join lots of other readers who have already left their answers and thoughts of just what is going on in the lives of an ordinary family who may not be who you think they are.
After you have solved the mystery of the puddles, why not write a short story for Story Chat? Your story will be read by a new audience who will interact with you. It’s your chance to promote your writing, your blog and yourself.
Do You believe in life after death? What about life before life? Have you ever written yourself into a piece of fiction without knowing it?
Check out my latest post, ‘How To Write Yourself into A Piece Of Fiction Without Knowing It‘, on my column, Diversity with a Twist, at the Carrot Ranch. Find out how a comment left on one of my blog posts got me asking questions if I’d lived before and witnessed one of the biggest disasters of the Twentieth century.
Click the image below to read the post.
Diversity with a Twist
Many readers have already left comments, some of whom have shared glimpses of former lives.
Comments are closed here. If you’d like to join the discussion, please leave your comment on the original post.
Last October, I asked Hugh Roberts if he wanted to write a guest post for me. He agreed. We both thought a short story for Halloween would be fun.
When Hugh’s story got lots of comments, we thought it would be fun to do a summary post, turning the post into an event with a Book Chat ambience.
Authors Win
Story Chat helps authors. They get double promotion for their story and their overall story-writing ability.
● First, the story itself is published by someone other than themselves, so it’s put in front of a brand new audience. That is a big deal that looks good on a resume if authors try to publish the traditional way.
● Secondly, they get free feedback on the first published post. They have a chance to see the story from their reader’s perspective and interact with them and listen to what they say to each other.
● Third, they get additional exposure when the recap is published. There are usually more comments on this post as well. There is always a resurgence of interest in the original post at this time, too, because after reading the recap, some people want to go back and re-read the story either because they missed it or missed a certain point that someone else caught.
Quote – Hugh Roberts
Quote – Geoff Le Pard
Story Chat Attendees Win
The commenters sitting around the table respond to each other and to the author. They bat the ideas around in the mishmash of hundreds of comments in the comments section.
After the story airs for a couple of weeks, my job with people reblogging and pushing it on social media is to pull the comments into something that follows in a natural sequence.
I list the attendees and link to one of their posts, and they have one more link to a different post on their first comment.
Quote – D. Wallace Peach
Quote – Charli Mills
What Do You Have to Lose?
I can’t see any way that you will lose with submitting a story or leaving comments on one of the featured stories.
All you have to do is send me an unpublished story – one that hasn’t been published on your blog or used in a writing contest. If you like, you can use outcrops of a longer novel you’ve written if that part was never published. You can write the beginning, middle or end of a sequel to a book you’ve already written.
Word-count is 500-1,000 words, and in that time, you need to develop a setting, beginning, middle, and end to a plot and develop the characters. If you are accustomed to writing a piece of flash fiction for the Carrot Ranch 99-word flash fiction challenge, you shouldn’t have a problem in meeting the restrictions of 1,000 words.
Readers will have to do more than skim the story, or they might have to come back and re-read it. This is a fun but somewhat scholarly discussion.
Quote – Cathy Cade
Why This Guest Post?
The monthly Story Chat event is 100% dependent on readers and authors.
If no one submits a story, Story Chat dies. If the story is published on Always Write and nobody reads or comments on it, Story Chat dies. As the Story Chat event host, my only job is to give you a venue to have a deep discussion about a great story. If that doesn’t happen, then the event dies.
If there are ways to improve it to draw in more authors and commenters, deepen the discussion, lighten the discussion, change Story Chat in any way to meet your needs, please leave a comment for me on this post. I’d be delighted to hear from you.
Quote – Cathy Cade
We have two more Story Chats scheduled. Our May Story Chat author is Anne Stormont, a Scottish friend of mine with a short story romance with all the adventure you could cram into 1,000 words. I loved it, and I think you will too.
Don’t be put off if you don’t care for a particular genre. I don’t like horror stories, but Hugh sent me a horror story right out of the shoot, and wow, what a great story it was. If you haven’t read it, it’s fabulous, and so was the discussion.
We have Australian writer, Debbie Harris, from Deb’s World for our June Story Chat. The stories come in two weeks or more ahead of publication so that I can check for edits and provide illustrations if desired.
Some authors prefer no illustrations, so I give them an option now. I do not change spellings of English, American or Australian words.
Submit and Schedule Now
If you would like or have been thinking of submitting a story, procrastinate no longer. Submit your story by contacting me via the following link – Always Write Contact.
And if you have any questions about the Story Chat feature, don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section.
***
Writer and blogger Marsha Ingrao
Marsha Ingrao is a retired educator and wife of a retired realtor. Her all-consuming hobby is blogging which she says has changed her life.
Marsha’s friends live all over the world. In November 2020, she and her husband, Vince, sold everything and retired to the mile-high desert of Prescott, AZ.
They live less than five miles from the Granite Dells, four lakes, and hundreds of trails with their dog, Kalev, and two cats, Moji and Nutter Butter. Vince’s sister went with them and lives close by.
This is the final part of chapter one from ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’, a book I started writing in 2012.
Help An Author
An update on Part 8
Part eight has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, I’m so grateful to you all.
What is Tales From Under The Rainbow?
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Part 9
Here are the final 502 words of chapter one. It continues on the coach journey to London with Danny. We get to know some more about two new characters (one of which will become a major character) which we had a brief glimpse of last week.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
Not really interested in what Jane had to say, Danny tried to look attentive.
“Don’t worry, it’ll only take a few minutes,” she laughed. “A few minutes to take away the coach sickness I suffer with.”
Fumbling around the plastic carrier bag again, she produced another bar of chocolate and offered it to Danny.
“Fruit and nut? That’s my favourite. How did you know?”
“Oh, good. You and I are going to get on so well,” replied Jane as she extended her hand to Danny. “Did I introduce myself?”
“Yes, you did,” answered Danny, leaning across and hardly able to reach her outstretched hand.
“How nice,” came a female voice from the seats in front of Danny. Jane and Danny looked towards the voice. “Looks like this coach could be the ‘love coach’, Jack,” giggled the woman at the man beside her.
Raising his eyebrows, Danny responded.
“The Love coach?” he blurted out. If only you knew that I’d probably rather sleep with your husband than Jane, he thought.
Smiling, Danny thought it funny how she thought he was straight. Not a bad thing when faced with some situations, but not this one. She obviously had no idea, but then probably neither did most of the passengers on the coach.
“We’re celebrating our ruby wedding anniversary,” announced the woman as she held up a greetings card with the words ‘To my beautiful wife’ on the front. It immediately answered some of the questions Danny had about the couple.
“This is my husband, Jack,” declared the woman as she looked down at the man next to her. “Stand up, Jack and introduce yourself to the young couple.”
“Do I have to, Gwen? Leave them alone,” came a muffled voice.
“Yes, you do! Stand up and say hello.”
Watching, Danny saw a rather rugged and handsome man stand up. Despite his age and signs of grey hair, Jack’s moustache showed no signs of ageing. Had he taken more notice of the couple on his way to his seat, he’d probably had tried making eye contact with Jack. He’d done it before, often with much success, and had always preferred older men.
Gwen, on the other hand, looked much older than her husband, with a typical blue-rinse hairstyle and a face covered with crow’s feet from too much sun. The light-blue dress meant for women far younger than her was nice, but it was the string of pearls and matching earrings that made her look more her age.
“Nice to meet you,” said Jack, before quickly sitting down again.
“He’s a little shy,” laughed Gwen. You’d never have guessed that he’s usually the life and soul of the party.”
Trying not to laugh, Danny and Jane looked at each other before offering Gwen some chocolate.
For the next six hours, some of the passengers on the coach got to know each other, while others slept or kept to themselves. New chapters were about to begin in all their lives, some of which would be life-changing.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
This is the penultimate part of chapter one from ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’, a book I started writing eight years ago.
Help An Author
An update on Part 7
Part seven has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, I’m so grateful to you all.
What is Tales From Under The Rainbow?
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Part 8
Here are the next 518 words of chapter one. It continues with Danny’s flashback of the breakup between Nick’s and him, but also returns us to the present time of the story. We also get a glimpse of two new characters (a couple), one of whom will become a major character in the story.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
The mark was in precisely the same place to the vodka. Nick had admitted everything to him without having set off the trap.
With the bottle of vodka in his hand, Danny walked to the kitchen and headed for the sink. Unscrewing the top of the bottle, he listened to the ‘gulp gulp’ sound as the liquid disappeared down the plughole. As the last drops vanished, he opened the kitchen waste bin, but something stopped him from letting go of the bottle.
Something red, just to the right of a packet of snacks, caught his eye. Moving the empty pack to one side, five small empty bottles of vodka revealed themselves; the kind found on most flights or in the minibars of hotels. The type of bottles Shaun would have access to with his job as an airline steward.
It wasn’t the trap that had caused Nick to tell the truth, but honesty itself. But that didn’t make what had happened any better. Vodka was the only alcoholic drink Shaun drunk, but how foolish Nick and Shaun had been at not covering their tracks.
As tears began to trickle down Danny’s face again, the sobs from upstairs continued to gently break the silence.
A sudden jerk of his body brought Danny back to the present. Hamble’s voice broke through, as did the current world around him. How long had he been in deep thought about what had happened a few weeks ago?
Dougie’s voice making an announcement made the past disappear entirely.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you are all on your way to London. London is the next stop. We will not be calling at any other stations on route, although we will stop for the occasional comfort break. So this is your semi-non stop service to London Victoria. Please respect your fellow passengers by not playing loud music or eating odorous food on the journey…”
Looking down the aisle, Danny chuckled to himself as he watched Dougie enjoying the sound of his own voice while occasionally glancing at the passengers in the rearview mirror. Danny decided to also check out who else was on board.
An older couple sat in front of him had their arms so tightly linked, it looked as if they’d been glued together. Danny’s mind went into overdrive with questions. Where, when and how had they met? Were they childhood sweethearts who had stayed loyal to each other, or had they only just entered each other’s lives? Were they having an affair with each other or with anybody else? Why were they going to London?
Along with a voice from his left, the couple suddenly kissing each other on the lips stopped the questioning.
“Hellooooooo. Earth too–. Hey, I’ve just realised I don’t know your name. I’m Jane, Jane Evans. And you are?”
With a glazed look on his face, Danny turned towards the woman he’d nicknamed Hamble and gave his name.
“So,” announced Jane, who had been talking non-stop to Danny while he’d been thinking about the past. “Did I tell you about the worst thing I ever did to another human being?”
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
Part 6 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, I’m so grateful to you all.
What is Tales From Under The Rainbow?
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Part 7
Here are the next 507 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, focusing on a flashback Danny is having as he analyses the split-up between himself and Nick.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
“Cat got your tongue?” asked Danny. “Just tell me the truth. Was Shaun here last night?”
“No, he wasn’t!” Nick shouted back.
For a moment, Danny felt relieved. Perhaps Shaun hadn’t been here.
“Really?”
A stony silence formed.
“Don’t lie to me, Nick! I’ve been your boyfriend for the last 7 years; the most important person in your life, or so I thought. Don’t lie to me,” cried Danny as tears trickled down his face.
Another awkward pause followed before Nick spoke.
“You know, don’t you? How do you know? Have you been checking up on me? I never thought anybody would come between us, Danny. I am so sorry. I never ever wanted this to happen.”
“But you allowed it to happen.”
Danny wondered if the stocky man in front of him was also on the verge of breaking down. Another developing silence in the house became something neither of them wanted to break. It was only interrupted by the sudden rush of Nick leaving the kitchen and the heavy thud of his footsteps climbing the stairs.
The loud noise of a door being slammed startled Danny. For a moment, the house was at peace again. Then the sound of gentle sobbing broke the air, making Danny feel guilty.
Wiping away the dried up journies of the tears on his face, Danny tried to make sense of what had just happened. It had all happened so quickly. Had Nick admitted to him that another man had come between them? Had another man stolen Nick’s feelings? Was Nick now a man who would no longer have any significance in Danny’s life?
Briefly, echoes of laughter and joy tried to furnish Danny’s head, but they were quickly beaten back by a dark cloud that strangled the happiness out of the last seven years.
Then he remembered the vodka bottle. Did it matter that he’d not checked if the trap had worked? Did he need to see if the bottle held the confirmation he so much did not want to witness?
Walking out of the kitchen with his head held low, Danny entered the showroom-like living room where everything was neatly in its place.
When he looked up again, the first thing he saw was the mobile-drinks bar Nick had so passionately wanted when they had first seen it in the department store.
Danny loved him so much that it never mattered to him that Nick had spent the whole holiday fund on buying it. After all, it made the man of his life happy, and that was far more important than any holiday.
Crossing his fingers, he walked towards the bar and hoped that the trap had not gone off.
Bending down, to grab the bottle, Danny placed it on top of the bar and checked for the mark he’d left on it the previous evening. For a moment, he thought the alcohol he had consumed the night before was playing tricks with his eyes. Wide-eyed, he moved his head towards the bottle and stood, shocked, with disbelief.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
Part 5 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, I’m so grateful to you all.
What is Tales From Under The Rainbow?
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Part 6
Here are the next 496 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, focusing on a flashback Danny is having as he analyses the split-up between himself and Nick.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
Don’t put it off, a voice in his head said. Go down and face him. Put it off, and you’re fooling yourself.
As a small tear rolled down Danny’s face, he knew this was the beginning of the end of his first-ever relationship with somebody he still deeply loved.
Grabbing his dressing gown and fastened it tightly, as if he was about to answer a knock at the front door from a stranger, he began the journey down. A horrible feeling of dread accompanied him.
Upon entering the kitchen, Danny’s eyes focused on Nick, who was leaning, crossed legged, against the kitchen sink. Smiling, he had one hand in the top pocket of his jeans while the other held a mug of steaming coffee. He looked as handsome as he had when Danny first met him at Paddington Station. His stocky 6-foot frame and jet black hair had always made him attractive to Danny.
“Coffee’s over there,” said Nick while pointing the top of his head towards one of the kitchen worktops. “Did you have a good night out?”
“No, thank you,” replied Danny.
Looking bewildered by the response, Nick’s eyes gave off a puzzled expression. “Don’t you have a hangover? Surly a black coffee would help?”
“Yes, I do,” answered Danny, “but I rather fancy a vodka.”
Danny watched as Nick’s jaw quickly dropped. He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a speeding car. I bet he’s asking himself why I’m asking for vodka at nine-thirty on a Saturday morning, thought Danny.
“But you don’t drink vodka,” came a concerned response. “Why would you be asking for vodka?” A false smile appeared across Nick’s face. “You’re still drunk, aren’t you? You are, aren’t you?” laughed Nick
Smerking back, Danny watched as the laughter tapered off, and Nick’s face changed into one of concern and uncomfortableness. Danny had an inkling that he was about to hear something he didn’t want to hear. Not now, not tomorrow, not next week! Maybe in a year or even two, but not now. He wasn’t ready for this, was he?
“Was Shaun here last night?” asked Danny.
“No!” came a quick reply. Danny watched as Nick seemed to become more and more uncomfortable. “Why on earth are you asking me that?”
Danny watched as Nick’s neck blushed. That only ever happened when Nick lied.
“I’ve noticed you acting differently recently. Acting as I have only ever seen you act once before,” responded Danny.
A long pause followed. Danny knew that Nick was probably trying to think of an excuse. Any excuse. “So, you going to get me that vodka?”, demanded Danny.
“What do you mean…like you have only ever seen once before? I don’t understand. What are you getting at, Danny? Come on. You’re kidding, yeah? A vodka at–“, looking at his wristwatch, “nine-thirty on a Saturday morning? You don’t even drink vodka–“
“TRY ME,” Danny yelled back.
A look of horror planted itself on Nick’s face.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
I’m delighted to introduce Paul Ariss to my blog. Paul is a songwriter, screenwriter and new to blogging.
Guest blog post by Paul Ariss
Paul shares a true story about travel which gave me goosebumps when I read it because I knew exactly what he was experiencing.
Over to you, Paul.
Image Credit – Paul Ariss
In the early evening of Wednesday, 28th October 1987 I walked into a bar in rain-sodden Flagstaff, Arizona with Randy Jones, a two-tour Vietnam vet.
I’d met Randy hours earlier that day, just minutes after midnight in Albuquerque bus station.
Randy was a mad-eyed but good-hearted individual who happened to be stopping off in Flagstaff himself on the way west to an altogether different destination. Randy and I were polar opposites.
Probably fifteen years older but with a lifetime more living, Randy had fought the Vietnamese in the Mekong Delta and had spent the last two months in a cave in the Rocky Mountains killing animals for his supper.
I was a pasty-faced young English office-worker whose closest shave with conflict was with a drunk in an airport who’d subsequently fallen over his own suitcase.
Yet somehow, me and Randy hit it off immediately.
After getting off our Greyhound bus and booking into our motels we decided to find a local bar, and there we laughed about the cultural differences between the US and the UK, and I let him tell as little as he felt able to share about his time as marine.
Mostly however he was fascinated about my overwhelming desire to see the country that had demanded of him as a young man to go and fight but had largely abandoned him since he returned home.
We were joined after a short time by a huge bear of a Native American man who largely just smiled and kept his own council.
But it’s true to say this night I was restless and struggled to stay convivial. After a couple of beers, I made my excuses and headed back to my motel. I had an inexplicable need to be alone.
By now the late afternoon had given way to early evening and the darkness through my motel window matched my state of mind.
Keeping Hold Of The Promise To Myself
Just ten years earlier I had made a vow to myself that I was now just hours away from fulfilling. At the time of the promise I was unemployed, and giving £5 of the £7 per week Social Security to my recently widowed father for board and keep.
Contrary to the punk counter-culture so many youths of my age were immersed in at the time, I was spending my days listening to the Eagles and dreaming of the open highways of America.
But I was a dreamer without substance. On the day I signed on for social security benefits, I was two-thirds of the way through an 18-months stint of unemployment.
Drenched by a steady drizzling rain, I needed something to aim for, something so far removed from my current situation to be almost too ludicrous to consider.
And then it came to me. I made the decision that one day I would get to The Grand Canyon.
Geographically it was over five thousand miles away from my small town in north-west England, though metaphorically it felt closer to a million. But right at that moment the thought of eventually getting there made the day feel that little bit more bearable.
And so it was, with a decade of steady employment behind me and a modest but committed savings plan I had enough for the journey and sufficient fire in my belly to make the trip.
My anticipation had remained unquenchable and here I was finally about to satisfy that first.
So why was I so downbeat on the eve of seeing one of the most stunning areas of natural beauty on earth?
When The Final Step Is The Hardest
I was lonely. Not for company, but for home.
I had been travelling on buses for nearly three weeks criss-crossing from one exciting destination to another on a plan of my own volition taking in New York City, Niagara Falls, Philadelphia, Nashville, Gracelands, Dallas, Denver; almost every day a new adventure, a new place I’d always heard about but never thought I’d visit.
Yet now, the day before reaching the destination I had planned and saved for over a decade, was the time I most wanted to be home.
The irony was crushing. I sat on the floor of my motel room and wept. Just a little. This feeling wasn’t what I had planned for.
I turned on the TV, a recording of Billy Joel live in Russia from two months earlier, the first rock star to play there post-Glasnost. Though not a massive Billy Joel fan, his energised demeanour helped fire me up.
“Don’t take shit off no-one”, Joel told an ecstatic crowd, each one no doubt loving the feeling of finally being able to let loose after a lifetime of social repression.
Oddly, a spark re-lit within me, enough to pick my emotions up off the floor and settle them enough to sleep after my long day of travelling.
I awoke the next day and pulled back the curtains to a welcoming early sunrise.
A slightly worse-for-wear Randy joined me for breakfast, telling me how the Native American had carried him back to his motel room at 2am. It seems I was right to have left early!
Randy saw me get on the shuttle bus that left for the Canyon.
Image Credit: Paul Ariss
Less than two hours later with a barely controllable anticipation I walked through a huge double door to finally see the most incredible, majestic wonder I’ve ever witnessed.
I smiled broadly and said hello to the Grand Canyon. We had finally met. I had travelled the millionth mile.
Image Credit: Paul Ariss
It had been a long, long journey but worth every step.
Later I thought about Billy Joel, performing so far from home yet feeling a kindred bond with strangers who had lived a life so culturally at odds with everything he knew. And I thought of my new friend Randy who had met someone in me who had expressed a feeling for his own country he had maybe lost something of over the years.
I thought of the Native American whose forefathers had their land ripped from them by Randy’s ancestors, yet felt the simple human instinct to carry him back to where was safe.
And as I turned away from the Grand Canyon at the end of that day my mind went back to where this had all begun and where for me the greatest riches still lay.
Home.
Writer and Blogger Paul Ariss
Paul started off as a lyricist in a song-writing partnership, before branching out into writing scripts. He’s now back to music, writing and recording solo material.
As a songwriter Paul has had songs published as part of a partnership, and as a solo writer has reached the semi-final of the UK Songwriting Contest and had a track chosen as Pick of The Week on a New York based online radio station.
As a script writer Paul has had material used on BBC radio shows on Radio 2, 4 and 5, and has been short-listed in two major script-writing contests as well as working as a Shadow Writer on Channel 4 comedy-drama Shameless, where he also contributed to its online platform.
Paul is new to blogging after getting the blogging bug in May 2020. He plans to increase his output very soon! His blog is called Songs and Scripts and Dunking Biscuits and can be followed by clicking here.
Songs from Paul are now on Spotify and all major streaming platforms have music videos to accompany them on YouTube, all of which can be accessed via his song-writing Facebook page.
Have you ever encountered the feelings Paul shared in his guest post?
My thanks to Paul for writing this guest post. If you have any questions or comments for Paul, please leave them in the comments section. He’d be delighted to hear from you.
Part 4 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, you all came up with brilliant suggestions, much of which I have implemented.
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Part 5
Here are the next 492 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, on-board the coach as Danny analyses a flashback in his life. In this part we delve even further into what caused the split-up between Danny and Nick. We’ll also learn a little more about Nick.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
Setting the trap had been straightforward.
On a works’ evening out Danny was attending, Nick told him that he’d be spending the evening catching up on some work. As a trade unionist, Nick cared deeply about his fellow workers. He saw it as a way of showing how he cared for others without actually having to say anything. Unyielding with management, Nick ensured none of his fellow workers was ever bullied or sacked for no good reason. He organised strike action, and the workforce respected him for what he did. Even though some suspected Nick was gay, they still looked up to him. Many of the men he worked with never tolerated any homophobia allegations against him. Those that tried got dealt with quickly.
Making a small mark on a half-empty bottle of vodka just to where the level of the vodka sat, Danny went out. It hadn’t mattered where they were going. If the venue played music, Danny could forget about everything and, for a time, dance the problems away.
At the end of the evening, after getting home, Danny noticed how untidy Nick’s usually clean and tidy desk looked. Union papers covered the entire surface. Had they been placed there to make it look like lots of hard work had taken place? It didn’t fool Danny. The vodka bottle held the truth, but it would have to wait until morning. All Danny wanted to do right now was cuddle up to Nick before they officially split up. He still loved him.
Surprisingly, he slept well.
‘Friday, at five past nine, but the evening, not the morning.’ Was that his Grandmother’s voice he could hear? Upon opening his eyes, Danny focused on the clock on the bedside cabinet. Five minutes past nine was the exact time he had been born. How odd that he’d just heard his Grandmother’s voice telling him the time. But she was wrong. It was morning, not evening. Given that she lived hundreds of miles away, he must have been dreaming about her.
He needed a drink of water but realised he’d forgotten to bring any with him to bed. A sudden noise of cutlery and dinner-plates from downstairs startled him. Turning over, he saw Nick’s side of the bed was empty.
One more minute, thought Danny, give me one more minute before I go downstairs and face being a single man again.
But the minute turned into two, which turned into five and then ten. Finally, Danny’s overfilled bladder forced him up and out of bed.
“Coffee, Danny?” called out Nick from the bottom of the stairs as Danny tipped-toed to the bathroom.
Danny didn’t want to reply.
“Danny! Do you want coffee?” Nick yelled.
An awkward pause was followed by what seemed an uncomfortable reply.
“Ah, yes. Better make it black, please.”
Pausing, Danny wondered if he should shower first or just put on a pair of shorts and go and face Nick straight away.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
Are you looking for help and advice for your current work-in-progress? Then look no further than the writing and blogging communities.
Help An Author
For the last three weeks, I’ve asked for feedback on the opening chapter of a book I have written.
For those who missed the first three parts, ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ is a novel I started writing in 2012.
An update on Part 3
Part 3 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Readers told me that this part of the story read a lot better than the previous two parts.
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Part 4
Here are the next 501 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, on-board the coach as it leaves Middlesbrough station. In this part we get to find out some of the background as to why Danny and his ex-boyfriend, Nick, spilt up.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
How disappointing. He could have at least seen me safely off, thought Danny. Seven years of life together and he can’t even be bothered to wave me off out of his life.
Earlier, the journey in the car to the station had been silent and tense. Danny was excited by the prospect of beginning a new life in London while Nick had thought about the future with the new love of his life, Shaun.
Shaun was younger than Danny. His blond curls, deep-blue eyes, six-pack and boyish good looks were something Nick couldn’t resist. He instantly fell for him.
A few years later, Nick regretted the moment he first set eyes on Shaun, wishing instead he had agreed with Danny to have a night at home. But the thought of watching another horror movie while eating a Chinese takeaway lost out to the urge of wanting to be out on the prowl inside a pub full of younger gay men.
It wasn’t long before Danny got suspicious. Nick was hiding someone or something. He set a trap to confirm if his suspicions were correct. On the night the trap was set, Danny’s worst fears came true. Not only had Nick admitted that he had affections for somebody else, but that he had also shared their bed with the new love of his life. It was a moment in the lives of all three men that none of them would forget.
For Danny, months of heartbreak followed. However, an advertisement in the local newspaper advertising for staff to live and work in London would eventually turn the heartbreak into something exciting.
For Nick, the rekindling of lust led to a slippery slide on life’s helter-skelter. As he hit the end of the ride, his final thought would be of the July day he drove Danny to the station and watched the only true love of his life set off on a journey which would not include him. But, thankfully, that wasn’t the end of being in Danny’s life.
For Shaun, life with Nick wasn’t all that Nick had promised. He soon found himself continuing another campaign of chaos and destruction that affected the lives of those he came into contact.
Think positive, Danny told himself. Ahead, lay an unknown but exciting future. Behind, life had been staggering, but the recent events had left a bitter reminder that everything happened for a reason. What was the point of dwelling on the past, and what might have been? The past was gone, and he was now on the verge of something completely new.
Nick was a thing of the past and had a new life with Shaun. No wonder he hadn’t stayed to wave Danny off. Shaun had probably already taken Danny’s place, by moving in and waiting in bed for Nick.
Feeling slightly jealous, Danny closed his eyes. He couldn’t help but think about what had happened between Nick and him. Had it been cruel, setting a trap which Nick fell into headfirst?
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
Are you looking for help and advice for your current work-in-progress? Then look no further than the writing and blogging communities.
Help An Author
For the last two weeks, I’ve asked for feedback on the opening chapter of a book I wrote 8 years ago. The response I got has been terrific. But best of all is that readers are telling me they want to read more.
Over the last two weeks, I published the first 1,051 words of chapter 1 on my blog and asked for readers to give me feedback.
As a result, 1,051 words have been reduced to 880 words. I also have got rid of a lot of the foreshadowing, which was confusing readers.
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to London to live and work.
I’m publishing new parts of the story every week and asking for your help by leaving me feedback. From the feedback, I will rewrite that part and release the new version on the ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ page.
Part 3
Here are the next 505 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, on-board the coach at Middlesbrough station. This week we’re meeting another new, major character, known as Hamble, although that’s not her real name.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
Although he was the last passenger to board the coach, Danny managed to find a row of unoccupied seats.
As Dougie revved up the engine, Danny sat down. A woman in the opposite row sighed relief and looked over at him.
“Air conditioning,” she declared while fanning her face with a magazine. “I just hate being so hot!”
With short brown hair that had a slight curl to it and a gorgeous doll-like face, Danny thought she looked like something his grandmother had on display in a porcelain cabinet. She looked about the same age as Danny and wore a long, white dress decorated with a large, red floral print. Her large brown eyes made her look like a doll Danny recalled seeing on a children’s TV show. He immediately nicknamed her ‘Hamble.’
Smiling back at her, he could have taken what she’d just said one of two ways. Either she was saying she hated the heat, or disliked being so good looking that just about every man she passed in the street would want to sleep with her.
“Not been a bad summer so far, but don’t you hate it being so hot that the news features those stupid stories of people claiming to have fried an egg on the pavement? Why would anyone want to fry an egg on the pavement? It’s not as if you can eat it afterwards,” giggled Hamble.
Out of politeness, Danny nodded his head.
“Then again”, she said, “maybe they’re making a point?”
“Yes,” replied Danny. “I’m not too fond of the heat either. I’d rather be too cold than too hot. At least you can wrap up warm.”
Danny’s mind began to wander again. It was as if the row of seats he had sat in and nicknamed ‘daydream alley’ were true to their name. But why was last Christmas on his mind? As usual, he’d spent it with Nick. Ah, yes, Nick. Where was Nick? He’d driven him to the coach station.
The noise of Hamble fumbling around some items in a plastic carrier bag broke his thinking. Taking out a giant chocolate bar and unwrapping it carefully, she took a large bite out of it, even though it was on the verge of melt-down.
“I couldn’t live without air conditioning or chocolate,” Hamble announced while savouring the day’s first taste of chocolate. “Unless it’s chocolate in a cake or a biscuit. I once worked with a girl who ate two large chocolate chip cookies and drunk a can of diet cola for breakfast. We nicknamed her ‘Fat Nat’,” she laughed.
Smiling at the cruel name, Danny asked if Nat ate salad for lunch.
While Hamble carried on talking, her voice became a dwindling echo in Danny’s head. Panic set in again, and he could feel his heart pounding the wall of his chest.
As the coach turned out of Middlesbrough station, Danny realised he’d forgotten about Nick. Quickly peering out of the window, his eyes searched for his ex-boyfriend, but Nick was nowhere in sight.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
What did you like/dislike about this part?
Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
I’ve created a Page on my blog where you can read the new version of the story. Click on ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ on the menu bar to access it.
For those who missed the post, ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ is a novel that I started writing in 2012. For 8 years, it has remained in the archives of my computer. I decided to publish the first 539 words of it on my blog and asked for feedback.
As a result, 539 words got reduced to 437 words. Thanks to feedback from Geoff Le Pard, it also has a new and (in my opinion) better opening. I hope it will hook in even more readers.
I’ve created a Page on my blog where you can read rewritten parts of the story. To access them, click on ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ on the menu bar.
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to work and live in London. You can find out more about Danny in the first part of the published story.
Each week I’ll be introducing new characters. This week, readers will be introduced to Dougie Marsh, a coach driver, who plays an important part in Danny’s life.
Everyone is welcome to leave me feedback on each new part.
A new part of the story will be published every week. Each one will be no more than 550 words, so shouldn’t take up more than 10-15 minutes of your time to read and leave feedback. From the feedback, I will rewrite the part and publish the new version on the ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ page.
If you’d like to know more or have any questions, please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment.
Thank you for your continued support and for joining me on this journey. I hope you will stay with me and find out what and who awaits Danny Johnson in London.
Tales From Under The Rainbow
Click here to read the first completed part of ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
For feedback, part 2 will be published on Tuesday 28th July, 2020.
Hugh's Views & News 