Every time I walk into my local library to pick up some recycling bags, I feel like I’m entering a world that doesn’t want me there. Or is it that I don’t want to be there?
For me, libraries can be terrifying places. Just like picking up a book and opening it can be a terrifying prospect. As an author and writer, you’d think that both would be something I’d get a lot of pleasure from. But I don’t.
Why Am I terrified of libraries and books?
Dyslexia – that’s the answer. As somebody who is dyslexic, reading and writing are two things I have always found difficult. And writing about dyslexia is even harder.
When I enter the library and face all those books that can introduce me to new characters and transport me to different worlds, I feel like a big door is being slammed shut right in front of me. Why? Because I know that I would find it difficult to read many of the books on the shelves.
How does being dyslexic affect me?
Being dyslexic affects me in many different ways. For example, I often find myself struggling to know what a word or its meaning is.
It doesn’t always come to me even when I try saying the sounds the letters make as they appear in a word. Struggling with a word in the middle of a sentence can stop me on my reading journey and sometimes make me feel like a failure. It’s as if the word is some sort of barrier preventing me from continuing my reading journey.
Occasionally, when I pick up a book, I encounter too many words I don’t understand. They can be the simplest words, yet my brain can not determine them. I start asking myself what those words mean. Are they important? Why can’t I say them?
If I have to go back to the beginning of a page or chapter because I don’t understand the plot or what’s going on, I will almost certainly give up on the book. I may have another go, but more often than not, I never pick up that book again.
It’s not only about reading.
When it comes to writing, one of the strangest things dyslexia does to me is not putting certain letters in the correct order. I struggle if a word has an ‘A’ and ‘C’ in it. For example, I can often type ‘because’ in a blog post, yet Grammarly will underline every ‘because’ I’ve typed because they’re all incorrect.
The same thing happens when using pen and paper. My brain is rushing ahead of me, causing my hand to travel in different directions as it pushes the pen that produces awful handwriting, not even I can understand. What I write resembles the scribbles I drew as a young preschool child.
But not all is lost, is it?
I’m pleased to say that I don’t have problems reading all books. I seem to go through peaks and dips with them. I have to be in the mood to read books. They have to be written in a way that I can understand exactly what’s going on. No silly accents or too many characters whose names all begin with the same letter.
So, unfortunately, you won’t find many book reviews I’ve written, yet you’ll find many comments I’ve written on the many blogs I follow. And by comments, I don’t mean the types that don’t offer any value. If I leave a comment, it’ll be at least a couple of sentences long.
For me, comments are like leaving book reviews. If I leave a comment, it’s because the words on a post have connected with me, and I want to engage with the author.
Happy endings
I allowed dyslexia to suppress my love of writing for far too long. In February 2014, when I published my first blog post, I felt like I had conquered it.
I’ve often heard it said that people with dyslexia have unique imaginations. I’m unsure if that’s true, but it’s been a happy ending. If it were not for blogging and the many bloggers who encouraged me to write, I’d never have self-published two short story collections.
Don’t allow me to stop you.
But even with my love for blogging, I still find books and libraries terrifying places.
It’s not just the fear of being judged for my reading speed or accuracy; it’s also the overwhelming amount of options available. With shelves upon shelves of books, where do I even begin? I had the same problem with blogging. I followed too many blogs, so I cut down on the number I was following. That helped.
For someone with dyslexia or any reading disability, picking up a book can be anxiety-inducing. The fear of being unable to understand the words and follow the plot makes it easy to understand why some people avoid books altogether.
And while libraries and bookshops may seem a haven for book lovers, it only adds to the pressure for some. Surrounded by so many books, it’s easy to feel like you should be reading them all, like you’re missing out on something if you don’t (just like all those blogs you follow).
How often do I hear or read that somebody is so far behind in reading blogs? They fear they could miss out if they don’t read them all.
The same happens with social media. How often do we see people with their heads down while looking at a screen? I’ve witnessed whole tables of people in restaurants, all with their heads down, looking at their phones while eating.
But the truth is, there is no “right” way to read. There is no “right” book to read. It’s okay to read at your own pace, take breaks when necessary, and stop reading a book or blog if it’s not connecting with you.
And remember! You don’t need to read just books to enjoy reading. I get far more enjoyment from reading blogs than I do books.
Books and libraries may be intimidating places for some, but there’s no denying the magic of losing yourself in a story. However, we can also lose ourselves watching a movie. It’s worth facing your anxieties and fears to experience that magic for yourself.
So, please, don’t be like me. Pick up a book, visit your local library, and don’t be afraid to take it one page at a time.
Who knows? You might find a new favourite author or even discover the joy of writing for yourself.
And don’t forget you can also do the same in the world of blogging. It’s a magical place full of content where you can quickly lose yourself.
Now it’s over to you.
Are you dyslexic? How do you manage your reading, writing and blogging? What books or blogs are you reading that help you conquer dyslexia? Tell me about them by leaving me a comment.
This post was originally published in April 2019 and has been updated for republishing.
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Hugh's Views & News 
Thank you for this honest post, Hugh. Did you know that you might be able to download ebooks from your library and change the settings to dyslexic view? I don’t know a lot about how it works, but I know we have that feature on the Libby app at the library where I work, which is widely used.
Thanks for the advice about downloading library books and changing the settings, Barbara. I’ll have to ask if it’s something our local library does. Next time I have to go in to collect some recycling bags, I’ll ask them.
Hope that is helpful to you.
All my life I’ve adored libraries, or at least I’ve thought so …but after reading this post , I felt I could relate with u . As someone who reads books I’ve felt a pressure to like libraries and while I do , sometimes the weight of the unknown terrified me . I d like to thanks u as this made me realise something about myself , wonderful post
Thank you for reading my post and for your comment.
Different things can scare us in different ways and can often uncover reasons why we fear them. Then it’s up to us to decide whether to conquer that fear or leave it as it is.
You should definitely pat yourself on the back Hugh. You have overcome the obstacle of dyslexia and are to be commended for it. I miss reading – I was an avid reader for decades and decided to go to Goodreads in January and set a goal of 25 books to read this year. This, I now realize, was a big mistake. In the past, the only time that I seem to read a book, sometimes in its entirety, is over a long holiday weekend. So I decided I should give myself a little push. I did well over the three days I lost internet after a bad ice storm on February 22nd, but have fallen behind now. I am one of the people you mentioned that feels should read every post – today I aim to catch up, as once again I am woefully behind in Reader. I realize I punish myself by saying “catch up in Reader or you cannot read your book.” It’s wrong – I have to manage my time better – that is all there is to it.
I’m not a fan of setting goals for how many books one can read as it can often cause too much pressure, Linda. I say, ‘read at your own leisure because that’s what reading is all about.’
You know my feelings on feeling obliged to read blog posts. Again, I read at my own leisure and get far more enjoyment out of it.
I’ve just started using the Reader again, but only to find relevant blogs by adding tags to it. I found some fantastic new blogs yesterday.
It might have been a mistake setting such a high goal for reading Hugh. I finally caught up in Reader last night after being behind for weeks … I was 18 days behind after the three-day internet outage. Try scrolling thru Reader for 18 days … there ought to be a way, without subscribing to people or using Feedly, to search for a certain posting date in Reader without paging down endlessly. I did not read everything – I took your advice. Some fellow bloggers are not only posting once daily, but now several times daily and I am drawing the line there.
That is how blogging traffic began for me Hugh. I was here five years with only e-mail subscribers. Then a blogger named “Uncle Tree” (who had as the theme of his blog a character whose face was part of a tree) came upon my blog as I had written about the trees and their beautiful Fall colors. He followed me and I began to have followers.
I switched off notifications for new posts from any blogger who publishes more than once a day, Linda. There is an option to receive emails from bloggers once a week, including a link to all their posts, but I rarely get the chance to go through them. I stopped worrying about not being able to read so many posts. It’s not my idea of how to enjoy the blogging experience.
You are so right Hugh – I am learning from you. Churning out blog posts non-stop is going to turn most people off.
This great post was buried in my emails, Hugh. That should indicate how I am “behind,” in reading as we prep for oir road trip and my daughter’s wedding! You really have conquered your dyslexia by embracing writing and doing so often with your blog posts, comments and stories. It wouldn’t surprise me to believe your creativity with your stories is due in part to the effects of dyslexia. I’ve read that those Uber smart creatives have mental issues 🤣. I would never have known you suffered from dyslexia if you hadn’t disclosed the condition. Very encouraging words, Hugh! Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for all your kind words and continued support, Terri.
Software like Grammarly does help. Not around when I first started blogging, but now it’s like a best friend to me. We sometimes argue, so I don’t always allow it to have its own way.
Have a great upcoming road trip.
My anxiety
The quietness and inability to feel invisible.
Hugh you have done so well and you must be very proud of yourself! I am proud of you.
I have seen dyslexia from a parent’s view. Our middle son was treated very badly at school….he had very similar treatment to you. He was labelled and bulled and even ridiculed by teachers. This was in the 1980s… Every move I made to help him was met with a brick wall.
Like you Hugh he has found his way in the world and like you he survived and like you is a better man for having the understanding that we are not all the same.
I am in awe of you Hugh not only are you here and an accomplished author you are always ready to help others.
Hugs Hugh 💜💜💜
Thank you for sharing the story of your son’s struggles with dyslexia, Willow. It’s great to hear how much he has succeeded and not allowed dyslexia to hold him back.
The details of your son’s treatment at school are familiar to me, not just from my experiences but many others. Thank goodness there is much more help for students with the condition now, Willow.
And thank you for the support and lovely feedback.
I agree with you Hugh finally we are coming out of the dark ages of the school treating children with dislexia as morons I had my heart broken so many times on his behalf.
But like you had got there and has his ways of coping.
As always I appreciate your help and enjoy your blog💜