For the last six weeks, I’ve asked readers for feedback on the opening chapter of a book I have written.
For those who missed the first five parts, ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ is a novel I started writing in 2012.
An update on Part 6
Part 6 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, I’m so grateful to you all.
What is Tales From Under The Rainbow?
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Here are the next 507 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, focusing on a flashback Danny is having as he analyses the split-up between himself and Nick.
“Cat got your tongue?” asked Danny. “Just tell me the truth. Was Shaun here last night?”
“No, he wasn’t!” Nick shouted back.
For a moment, Danny felt relieved. Perhaps Shaun hadn’t been here.
A stony silence formed.
“Don’t lie to me, Nick! I’ve been your boyfriend for the last 7 years; the most important person in your life, or so I thought. Don’t lie to me,” cried Danny as tears trickled down his face.
Another awkward pause followed before Nick spoke.
“You know, don’t you? How do you know? Have you been checking up on me? I never thought anybody would come between us, Danny. I am so sorry. I never ever wanted this to happen.”
“But you allowed it to happen.”
Danny wondered if the stocky man in front of him was also on the verge of breaking down. Another developing silence in the house became something neither of them wanted to break. It was only interrupted by the sudden rush of Nick leaving the kitchen and the heavy thud of his footsteps climbing the stairs.
The loud noise of a door being slammed startled Danny. For a moment, the house was at peace again. Then the sound of gentle sobbing broke the air, making Danny feel guilty.
Wiping away the dried up journies of the tears on his face, Danny tried to make sense of what had just happened. It had all happened so quickly. Had Nick admitted to him that another man had come between them? Had another man stolen Nick’s feelings? Was Nick now a man who would no longer have any significance in Danny’s life?
Briefly, echoes of laughter and joy tried to furnish Danny’s head, but they were quickly beaten back by a dark cloud that strangled the happiness out of the last seven years.
Then he remembered the vodka bottle. Did it matter that he’d not checked if the trap had worked? Did he need to see if the bottle held the confirmation he so much did not want to witness?
Walking out of the kitchen with his head held low, Danny entered the showroom-like living room where everything was neatly in its place.
When he looked up again, the first thing he saw was the mobile-drinks bar Nick had so passionately wanted when they had first seen it in the department store.
Danny loved him so much that it never mattered to him that Nick had spent the whole holiday fund on buying it. After all, it made the man of his life happy, and that was far more important than any holiday.
Crossing his fingers, he walked towards the bar and hoped that the trap had not gone off.
Bending down, to grab the bottle, Danny placed it on top of the bar and checked for the mark he’d left on it the previous evening. For a moment, he thought the alcohol he had consumed the night before was playing tricks with his eyes. Wide-eyed, he moved his head towards the bottle and stood, shocked, with disbelief.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
- What did you like/dislike about this part?
- Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
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