For the last five weeks, I’ve asked readers for feedback on the opening chapter of a book I have written.
For those who missed the first five parts, ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ is a novel I started writing in 2012.
An update on Part 5
Part 5 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Thank you to everyone who left feedback for me. Once again, I’m so grateful to you all.
What is Tales From Under The Rainbow?
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Here are the next 496 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, focusing on a flashback Danny is having as he analyses the split-up between himself and Nick.
Don’t put it off, a voice in his head said. Go down and face him. Put it off, and you’re fooling yourself.
As a small tear rolled down Danny’s face, he knew this was the beginning of the end of his first-ever relationship with somebody he still deeply loved.
Grabbing his dressing gown and fastened it tightly, as if he was about to answer a knock at the front door from a stranger, he began the journey down. A horrible feeling of dread accompanied him.
Upon entering the kitchen, Danny’s eyes focused on Nick, who was leaning, crossed legged, against the kitchen sink. Smiling, he had one hand in the top pocket of his jeans while the other held a mug of steaming coffee. He looked as handsome as he had when Danny first met him at Paddington Station. His stocky 6-foot frame and jet black hair had always made him attractive to Danny.
“Coffee’s over there,” said Nick while pointing the top of his head towards one of the kitchen worktops. “Did you have a good night out?”
“No, thank you,” replied Danny.
Looking bewildered by the response, Nick’s eyes gave off a puzzled expression. “Don’t you have a hangover? Surly a black coffee would help?”
“Yes, I do,” answered Danny, “but I rather fancy a vodka.”
Danny watched as Nick’s jaw quickly dropped. He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a speeding car. I bet he’s asking himself why I’m asking for vodka at nine-thirty on a Saturday morning, thought Danny.
“But you don’t drink vodka,” came a concerned response. “Why would you be asking for vodka?” A false smile appeared across Nick’s face. “You’re still drunk, aren’t you? You are, aren’t you?” laughed Nick
Smerking back, Danny watched as the laughter tapered off, and Nick’s face changed into one of concern and uncomfortableness. Danny had an inkling that he was about to hear something he didn’t want to hear. Not now, not tomorrow, not next week! Maybe in a year or even two, but not now. He wasn’t ready for this, was he?
“Was Shaun here last night?” asked Danny.
“No!” came a quick reply. Danny watched as Nick seemed to become more and more uncomfortable. “Why on earth are you asking me that?”
Danny watched as Nick’s neck blushed. That only ever happened when Nick lied.
“I’ve noticed you acting differently recently. Acting as I have only ever seen you act once before,” responded Danny.
A long pause followed. Danny knew that Nick was probably trying to think of an excuse. Any excuse. “So, you going to get me that vodka?”, demanded Danny.
“What do you mean…like you have only ever seen once before? I don’t understand. What are you getting at, Danny? Come on. You’re kidding, yeah? A vodka at–“, looking at his wristwatch, “nine-thirty on a Saturday morning? You don’t even drink vodka–“
“TRY ME,” Danny yelled back.
A look of horror planted itself on Nick’s face.
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
- What did you like/dislike about this part?
- Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
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