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For the last three weeks, I’ve asked for feedback on the opening chapter of a book I have written.
For those who missed the first three parts, ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow‘ is a novel I started writing in 2012.
An update on Part 3
Part 3 has now been added to the ‘Tales From Under Rainbow’ page. Click here to read the story so far.
Readers told me that this part of the story read a lot better than the previous two parts.
‘Tales From Under The Rainbow’ follows the adventures of Danny Johnson. Set in 1986, Danny is about to face life-changing events when he travels to live and work in London.
Here are the next 501 words of chapter 1. It continues from where it left off last week, on-board the coach as it leaves Middlesbrough station. In this part we get to find out some of the background as to why Danny and his ex-boyfriend, Nick, spilt up.
How disappointing. He could have at least seen me safely off, thought Danny. Seven years of life together and he can’t even be bothered to wave me off out of his life.
Earlier, the journey in the car to the station had been silent and tense. Danny was excited by the prospect of beginning a new life in London while Nick had thought about the future with the new love of his life, Shaun.
Shaun was younger than Danny. His blond curls, deep-blue eyes, six-pack and boyish good looks were something Nick couldn’t resist. He instantly fell for him.
A few years later, Nick regretted the moment he first set eyes on Shaun, wishing instead he had agreed with Danny to have a night at home. But the thought of watching another horror movie while eating a Chinese takeaway lost out to the urge of wanting to be out on the prowl inside a pub full of younger gay men.
It wasn’t long before Danny got suspicious. Nick was hiding someone or something. He set a trap to confirm if his suspicions were correct. On the night the trap was set, Danny’s worst fears came true. Not only had Nick admitted that he had affections for somebody else, but that he had also shared their bed with the new love of his life. It was a moment in the lives of all three men that none of them would forget.
For Danny, months of heartbreak followed. However, an advertisement in the local newspaper advertising for staff to live and work in London would eventually turn the heartbreak into something exciting.
For Nick, the rekindling of lust led to a slippery slide on life’s helter-skelter. As he hit the end of the ride, his final thought would be of the July day he drove Danny to the station and watched the only true love of his life set off on a journey which would not include him. But, thankfully, that wasn’t the end of being in Danny’s life.
For Shaun, life with Nick wasn’t all that Nick had promised. He soon found himself continuing another campaign of chaos and destruction that affected the lives of those he came into contact.
Think positive, Danny told himself. Ahead, lay an unknown but exciting future. Behind, life had been staggering, but the recent events had left a bitter reminder that everything happened for a reason. What was the point of dwelling on the past, and what might have been? The past was gone, and he was now on the verge of something completely new.
Nick was a thing of the past and had a new life with Shaun. No wonder he hadn’t stayed to wave Danny off. Shaun had probably already taken Danny’s place, by moving in and waiting in bed for Nick.
Feeling slightly jealous, Danny closed his eyes. He couldn’t help but think about what had happened between Nick and him. Had it been cruel, setting a trap which Nick fell into headfirst?
Now it’s over to you.
I’m looking for your feedback on this next part of chapter 1.
- What did you like/dislike about this part?
- Are there any changes you’d recommend?
All feedback is welcome. Please leave me your comments.
Thank you so much.
Click here to read more about why I’m asking for your help in writing ‘Tales From Under The Rainbow.’
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