The Shocking Truth Found Inside Men’s Underpants

I wasn’t even looking for underpants, but something drew my eyes to the underwear section of the website I was looking at. For some strange reason, I could not take my eyes off what was in front of me.

#shopping #humour #clothes

Before you ask, it was an entirely safe and well-known website but, one hour and forty-five minutes later, there was still nothing in my checkout basket. Had I really spent all that time admiring all the eye-candy underpants on offer, or had I fallen asleep at the computer, bored at the prospect of buying what I had intended coming here for?

It wasn’t long before I started asking myself questions such as why do the eye-candy models have to be semi-naked when modelling underpants? I even discovered that when I hovered my mouse over one of the models, he would spin around for me and show me the view from behind. That’s quite a handy little tool, don’t you think? How many times have you asked yourself what your ‘Mr Man’ socks look like when viewed from behind?

Then I asked myself if I would have been spending as much time as I was in the men’s underwear section of this website if all the models were like our postman, Pete? (or ‘Pop it in Pete’, as I like to call him). He can be very chatty when he hands me something too large to go through the slot. However, I decided that I’d asked myself a difficult question, so I moved on and remembered what I had come to the website for.

Before I knew it, I started asking myself if Pete would spend as much time as me in the men’s underwear section of this website? Probably not, given that he’s told me about his two grownup daughters, although he does like listening to Kylie and watching ‘Will and Grace’ on a Friday night.

Pete wasn’t a good example so I wondered if our plumber, Roger, would spend as much time as I was in the men’s underwear section? Do tradesmen like going shopping for themselves given, that when I worked in retail, some men leave it until the last minute to buy that perfect gift for their wife/girlfriend/partner? Knowing that Roger doesn’t like shopping, which he mentioned to me whilst nibbling on a whole packet of custard creams, would he ever buy his own underpants?

Shaking thoughts of Pete and Roger from my head, I then noticed that most of the underpants on the website were on sale. Great, I could bag myself a bargain before looking for that item I’d come here to buy. Now, this is when the real problems started because there were so many shapes and styles of underpants, to keep your crown jewels safe, that I really started getting confused.

Boxers, briefs, V-shaped, hipster, ribbed (ribbed? I thought you only found ribbed on—) trunks, G-String, jocks; the list seemed endless. I decided that it would be better for me to go to the shopping centre (because I’d be told that men’s underpants were down in Marks & Spencer) and try on all these different styles of underpants so I would know which suited me and the crown jewels best.

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My trip to Marks & Spencer was short lived when an elderly lady, who had evidently mistaken me for a shop assistant, approached me and asked, “where do you keep your knickers, love?” When I was later told that I was not allowed to try on any of the underwear for hygienic reasons (I did explain to the lady outside the men’s changing rooms that I had showered before coming out), coming to a shopping centre to do my shopping was a mistake. I decided to head home again and do what I always do when it comes to shopping – do it online!

By this time, the whole day had just about disappeared, and I decided I didn’t need to buy any underpants after-all because I’d had some given to me for Christmas! Phew, that was lucky, but then I started asking myself how Santa always got the size right?

Gentlemen – do you encounter any of these problems when buying your underpants, or do you save time and get somebody to buy them for you?

Ladies – who is the buyer of the underpants for the men in your household, and do you encounter as many problems as I do when shopping for underpants?

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139 comments

  1. Oh Hugh, how funny your post is a chuckle a day keeps the chemist away (cos you can’t get an appointment with a doctor). As to your question … I am grand pant purchaser in the household. My job is not tough The Husband has one pair of soft jersey breton striped trunk style undies, purchased for in-case. In case you wear your Kilt, (worn once) in case you have to go into hospital overnight, in case my Mother stays over. We are not expecting any of the above to happen anytime soon but … just in case!

    1. Thanks for sharing that with us, Ellen. I think it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Buying underpants may not seem important, but just imagine if we needed that certain pair in an emergency and had nothing suitable to wear? Now, I keep a secret stash of underpants just in case I (or somebody else) needs to get their hands on a pair urgently. At least having that secret stash means I don’t need to shop for any…for the time being. My next mission is buying socks – not as exciting as buying underpants online, but still an item a man needs in his drawers. 😀

  2. This was such a hilarious read and I smiled when you admitted that your whole day had literally disappeared because of underwear shopping – and it was a side distraction to be begin with 🙂 I’m a lady and also find underwear shopping difficult. Or maybe I am just a difficult customer. When I go underwear shopping, I am very precise about the design and the thickness of the elastic band, and also the material. It takes me forever to settle on what I think will be right. If it does turn out to be great, I’ll be back in-store to buy another pack in the following days. Same goes with PJ shorts for me. When you speak of underwear shopping for a lady, bra shopping also comes into question. Now don’t get started on that… 🙂

    Now today I randomly walked into the department store. No plans to buy anything. Saw a pair of black rights. Had wanted one to lounge around at home in for a while but couldn’t find the right fit and material. Tried this one on. Fit perfectly. Bought it. In and out of the shop in ten minutes 😂

    1. That’s my kind of shopping, Mabel. In and out in ten minutes. In fact, I’m the kind of shopper who will buy the first thing I try on if it fits perfectly and feels good. Not like my partner who will spend hours visiting several shops, trying everything on and then going back to the first shop and buying the first item he tried on. Thank goodness we don’t shop together anymore. 😀

      1. I also like to buy the firs things that fits perfectly and feels good. It is so hard to find things that fit perfectly in most instances. Your partner has a lot of patience when it comes to shopping. Won’t be surprised if the salespeople are a bit afraid of him 😀

  3. Very entertaining Hugh. 🙂 Since there is no male in my house now – jocks are not something I have had to worry about buying for 15 years. I admit to having strong opinions on what looks good in a pair of jocks (no pun intended, but smirk if you must), so I’m glad I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

  4. Well, Hugh for once I am stuck for words…very funny and yes I do all the shopping for everything but I do like browsing the men’s section online just to make sure I get the correct fitting for his nibs undercarriage of course 😉

    1. I was stuck for words after reading what I’d written, Carol. So was my partner after he told me “You can’t possibly publish that on your blog.” How wrong he was. 😬

      Of course, we all need to check out those fittings. It’s a very important part of underpants shopping.

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