A Letter To ‘Thing’

4th May 2017

Dear Thing,

What are you?

Should you even be here?

Are you hiding from me?

Where did you come from?

Why can’t I see you?

Are you animal, vegetable or mineral?

Do you even exist?

You can’t be everything, can you?

Why am I asking you these questions? Well, it’s because I don’t understand you. You see, I’ve heard people talking about you. They say stuff like “you know that thing we were talking about the other day.” Or, “if it wasn’t for the thing I found tied to the ballcock inside our toilet cistern”, or “the house would not have been our home if that thing was still there.” It drives me crazy when I hear people talking about you like that!

You can’t exist, can you, Thing? Put it this way, if we people said what it was we were talking about by name, instead of mentioning you, then there would be absolutely no need for you, would there? After all, everything has a name, doesn’t it?

I’m so sorry if this letter upsets you, but I had to write and tell you how I feel. I could not find you anywhere to tell you in person, and nobody I have asked seems to have any contact details for you, yet you appear to be very popular.

Hold on, what did I just write? ‘Nobody seems to have any contact details for you.’ So, where on earth should I send this letter then?!! Oh no, why am I asking you that question? You don’t exist, do you?

Best wishes, and hope to never see or hear from you again (I won’t, because you don’t exist, do you?).

A euphoric, (now that I have that off my chest), Hugh

P.S – Please send my very best wishes to your friend ‘Nobody’, because they don’t exist either, do they?

#writing #words

Have you ever met ‘Thing’? Do you know anything about ‘Thing’? Leave me details in the comments section.

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82 comments

  1. “I know nothing,” is a common expression. Perhaps we should delve into this as well. Is ‘nothing’ the brother, sister, or cousin of ‘thing’? Perhaps ‘nothing’ can tell us a thing or two about ‘thing’.

  2. Hi Hugh,
    Very ingenious looking for “Thing” I heard he was over with “That” They make a marvelous pair, don’t you think” Don’t take to the bottle, how would you explain it to “nobody”?

    1. I don’t know, Chuck, I don’t think I’ve ever seen ‘Thing’ or ‘That’ so I’m going to have to take your word for it. 😀 As for ‘Nobody’, he really isn’t worth talking to. 😀

  3. This is too funny and hitting home far too close for me 🙂
    My ex boss used to say that in her ‘training’ sessions with me. She’d say … “And then after that you do this (and she’d make a big gesture with her arm) thing. I never knew what she was on about. Crazy.

  4. Lol, the THING is, that was funny! Oh, and yes, I’ve heard only once of someone with that name, Thing was on the Adams’ Family. LOLLLLLLLL

    1. Good, cause even though you said ‘Thing’ twice 😱, I like that you mentioned ‘Funny’. He’s always laughing and tells great jokes. 😀
      Wasn’t that ‘Thing’ on the Adams family, a hand, and not a ‘thing’? 🤔

      1. Lol, yes it was a hand! But his name was ‘Thing’. And your post reminded me that the only THING I could think of was THING, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 🙂 xx

  5. Funny & clever post, Hugh! I have come across this thing many times. It’s an enigma. How far will this thing go? The thing is on everyone’s lips. It’s in everyone’s house. Who will stop it? LOL! 😘

      1. Some times it the What’s it.. that gets lost Hugh.. and between the Thingymajig and You Know… But thats the problem of being a Dreamer… You lose touch with reality. And things go Missing.. And turn up in the strangest of places… 🙂

    1. But what is that ‘Thing’ you talk about? I know a couple who had a ‘thing’ going on for years. Turns out, all they were doing was practising Scottish barn dancing. Who would have thought it? 😀

    1. You’re the second person to mention the hand from the Admas Family, Judy. I think it’s a dead-end because Thing was a hand, wasn’t he? Or was Thing a she? 🤔 Was there any nail-varnish evident?

  6. I agree that a wine fridge is an important piece of equipment that deserves all of our respect in being referred to properly by name. 😀

  7. I really laughed when I read this post, Hugh. You are so right. People talk about that “thing” all the time and the listener is supposed to just know what they are talking about.

  8. And where does thinking of “thing take me?

    “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

    And then, there is Thing, the roving hand in the Adams Family household, and The Thing of the two movies of that title (based on a story in “The Voyage of the Space Beagle” by A. E. van Vogt).

    Oh, “Thing” seems to have a younger sibling, “Thingie.”

    Fun 😀

      1. Indeed, it was an alien. In that book, “The Voyage Of The Space Beagle” there is also the story that was the inspiration for the movie “Alien”. They had a rough trip.

  9. Oh can you fix that thing? Funny post, Hugh! Really makes us think about our usage of words. My favorite is “they.” As in “they” said is was OK, you know this un-named group of people who know all, LOL!

    1. It does, Terri. I’m just as bad, sometimes. This only came about after a conversation I had with an engineer today, who was trying to fix our wine fridge! I can’t live without a wine fridge…can I? 😱 He even said he’d have to call his mate ‘what’s his name’ to find out if the ‘thing’ he needed could be obtained from ‘who know who.’ 😱

  10. I find communication and transparency very important when dealing with people. It is the only way to really know what they want or what they are talking about. “Things” and “nobodies” and “you knows”… do not help in understanding each other. I love your letter and can totally relate!

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