The Day I Almost Married Lara Croft

What? I almost married Lara Croft?  OK, I don’t mean, ‘the’, Lara Croft do I, just somebody else that has the same name as her?

Well actually no, I do mean the most famous Lara Croft there has ever been, she who is a full-time tomb raider; she who has the body most men desire and most women envy.

#marriage #LaraCroft #humour #weddings

Our relationship started back in August 1997 when a friend of mine loaned me a copy of “Tomb Raider” for the Sony PlayStation 1. I’d had the Playstation for some months but was already getting bored with it, that is until my friend introduced me to Lara Croft.

From the moment I inserted the game disc into the PlayStation and pressed the play button, I’d fallen in love with the one and only woman who would ever pull at my heart-strings.

I would spend countless evenings, nights, and weekends with Lara. It even got to the point that I would no longer go out on a Saturday night. Instead, I would spend the evening at home with Lara while my friends danced the night away, having fun, socialising, meeting new people, enjoying each others company, while I only had eyes for Lara.

She’d take me too far off places around the world, Peru, Mongolia, Egypt, India, to name but a few. She’d protect me from killer bats, bears, lions and weird monsters I never knew existed. I just followed her everywhere and ensured nothing horrible happened to her while on our travels.

I even remember that Saturday afternoon I sat down with her at 5:15 and, before we knew it, the clock told us it was 4.05 Sunday morning. But it didn’t matter then as we were both in love with each other and were seeing each other every day.

The day we got engaged was wonderful. By now, I knew I had met the perfect woman, and I was pretty sure that Lara felt the same way about me. Why wouldn’t she? After all, I’d spend all my free time with her, and I’d even told my work colleagues about her.  I know some of them envied me at having caught myself one of the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world, but others were happy for me and wanted to hear more of the adventures Lara and I were having.

I begged Lara to let me buy her an engagement ring, but she was having none of it. Well, not at that moment anyway, as she had dangerous work to do and would never forgive herself if she lost the ring while working. She promised me I could buy her an engagement ring just as soon as she had solved the mystery she was working on. But that day never came, and it wasn’t long after when things started to go downhill and our Wedding day kept getting further and further away.

I’d gone everywhere with her on her first two adventures. While she worked at solving mysteries and puzzles, I worked earning the money that would pay for our wedding and first home together. We both knew that nothing could part us by the time she started her third adventure, but how wrong we would be. I’ll be very honest and say that her experiences were getting too difficult for me. But that was because I’d started going out again, socialising, meeting friends, having a real laugh, enjoying the actual world around me, catching up on gossip, TV and the movies. Meanwhile, Lara continued her adventures without me, not ever wanting to come with me.

“Most of your friends don’t like me”, she’d told me the day it all went pear-shaped, and I’d realised that she was right. What I also realised was that Lara had put quite a big gap between my friends and me and that I was almost losing them and my life! Not only that but she’d also put a strain on another relationship, the most important one, the one I’d had since 1993 and, to this day, is stronger than ever. Would John ever forgive me?

I finally put an end to my relationship with Lara and called off the wedding. I thought she’d be very upset, especially when I told her I was also selling my Playstation. But, she simply walked away with the man who had purchased the PlayStation from me, and I never heard from her again.

Do I have any regrets about what happened? No.  I’m just very glad that I found my life again and have never been tempted to contact Lara…Ever!

 

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121 comments

  1. Such a beautiful way you wrote about your crush Lara Croft, and your obsession with the video game. Those games can certainly get addictive, especially when you really want to solve that hard puzzle or figure out how to get to the next checkpoint. You were right to let go of Lara and I’m sure she is very happy with whomever she is with now 😉

    Growing up, I loved playing Super Mario. I thought Mario was rather handsome, though short and stout in demeanour. He did have a quirky personality, always looking to collect gold coins wherever he went. Money minded, dear me 🙂

    1. Thanks Mabel. I can’t believe how addictive I got with Lara Croft. She certainly had me under her spell. What I enjoyed most of all was helping her solve the puzzles she encountered on her journey. I must admit and say that on occasions I did have to get some help from the internet but at least that meant she was safe and could carry on with her adventure.

      It was tough letting her go but at least I’ve never looked back since that day. Mario was great fun but Lara never allowed him much time on my game console.

      1. Sounds like you took good care of Lara, Hugh. Hope she managed to get to where she had to be and live happily ever after – even if it’s in another’s arms. I’m sure she still has a special place in your heart today, just like Mario does in mine.

        1. Last I heard, Lara was bringing out a brand new game. I’ve not been invited to the launch but I’m not too concerned, Mabel. We sometimes have to let go of the past to embrace the future 🙂

          I hope Mario still sends you roses and a card on Valentine’s Day. He’d be a fool not to do that. 😍

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