What are you?
Should you even be here?
Where did you come from?
Are you animal, vegetable or mineral?
Do you even exist?
You can’t be everything, can you?
Why am I asking you these questions, Thing? Well, it’s because I don’t understand you. You see, I’ve heard people talking about you. They say stuff like “you know that thing we were talking about the other day”, or “if it wasn’t for the thing in that letter”, or “the house would not have been our home if that thing was still there” and it drives me crazy when I hear people talking about you like that!
You can’t exist, can you? Put it this way Thing, if we people said what it was by name we were talking about, instead of mentioning you, then there would be absolutely no need for you, would there? After all, everything has a name, doesn’t it?
I’m so sorry if this letter upsets you Thing, but I had to write and tell you how I feel, as I could not find you anywhere to tell you in person and nobody I have asked seems to have any contact details for you, yet you seem to be very popular.
Hold on, what did I just say? ‘Nobody seems to have any contact details for you?’ OK, so where on earth should I send this letter then?!!
Oh no, why am I asking you that question? You don’t exist, do you?
Best wishes and hope to never see or hear of you again (I won’t because you don’t exist).
A very happy (now that I have that off my chest),
P.S Please send my very best wishes to your friend ‘Nobody’ because they don’t exist either, do they?
Written as part of the Writing 101 course.